Posted on 10/01/2007 5:31:49 PM PDT by laurenmarlowe
Good Morning, NRA
Hmmm....I guess I’d better go read the news. I’ve been outta touch this weekend. I’ve got to go see whatz got you burning up the fax.
p.s.
Go get ‘em!
Dang, FR is slowwwwwwwwww......
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better
on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, “THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results,
I will judge who does the better job.”
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
“It’s gone! It’s all GONE! “I lost everything when the power went out!”
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
“Wait!” he screamed. “That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?”
God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES
I see the signs say it’s time for me to leave the Canteen. See you all later.
LOL
Hiya, sugar. Here’s one for you
A little boy wanted $100 so badly that he prayed for two weeks. But nothing happened; so he decided to write God a letter asking for the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to “GOD, USA”, they decided to send it to the President. He was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill.
The little boy was delighted with the $5, and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read; “Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had it sent through Washington, DC, and as usual, those guys deducted $95.”
[[[[[[[[[[Hugs]]]]]]]]] backatcha....I didn’t go either, but looks like a good chance this weekend....
Hi Tom!
Georgia Tech, oh yea, ND and Clemson down, beat Georgia
The SAPP's gonna gitya!
‘Morning Meg!
SAPP? I’ve been away for a while, Que esta?
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.----------
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
As to the subject of this thread, isn't this the best part of football:
Any questions?
Reid Calls On Senators To Join In Condemning Limbaugh’s Attack On Our Troops
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1905106/posts
Here is the traditional collegiate football quiz to begin the season.
Even though you may know most of the answers, it is still fun to reminisce the halcyon days of yore.
(1) What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
.........Drool.
(2) What do you get when you put thirty-two Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
.........A full set of teeth.
(3) How do you get a South Carolina cheerleader into your dorm room?
.........Grease her hips and push.
(4) How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?
.........Pay him for the pizza..
(5) How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a girlfriend?
........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.
(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?
.........Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
(7) What are the longest three years of an Auburn football player's life?
.........His freshman year.
(8) How many Florida Freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
.........None -- that's a sophomore course.
(9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?
........Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He knew that the police would never look at LSU for a Heisman Trophy winner.
AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)
(10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
.........You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.
11) What does the N on the Nebraska football helmet stand for?
....Knowledge
12) Why is Oklahoma thinking of changing their fight song?
.....The student body is having too much trouble remembering the lyrics.
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner,
Boomer Sooner, O-K-U.
Oklahoma, Oklahoma,
Oklahoma, Oklahoma,
Oklahoma, Oklahoma,
Oklahoma, O-K-U.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.