I agree. I do question this situation and those manipulating it for their advantage. The story seemed odd to me.
I’m so sorry about your mom. It was the same here. My mom was more concerned with us than herself. Same with my Dad when he was dying. My Dad used to talk about being a burden but he was hilarious too - he accepted his situation (being cared for by us, we always joked about it) moreso than my Mom did - she was always talking about not being a burden on us and fought it until the end. She hated the dependence, being a burden as she called it. She was witty but didn’t have my Dad’s wit or attitude about it all.
Both my parents died with dignity but moreso my Mom. Only because she’s the most recent death. She tried her best to stay functional (my Dad was ok with letting us care for him in his last days). My Mom fought it until the end.
Both my parents died with dignity. I have say my Mom moreso but that’s only because of her situation and pain and how difficult it was for her to be cared for. It was horrible for her to have me or anyone care for her basic needs. She talked about/worried so much about us cleaning her. My Dad did too but he joked about it and I’d laugh, say a comment back, it was funny. Not my Mom. It was awful for her. She really hated being what she called a burden. It wasn’t of course but she felt it was.
My Mom died with dignity too. So did my Dad but he was such a joker. It was worse for my Mom so that’s what I recall. They both died with dignity, or as much dignity as death allows. They lived their entire lives with dignity so dying was the same.
I guess I just don’t feel that death or dying, when one has to be cared for, involves dignity. Or the basic dignity. My Dad gave it all up with a laugh, joke, smile. His usual stuff. My Mom , it was awful for her not being able to care for her basic needs. Maybe that’s why it was so much harder with my Mom, because it was harder for her. She hated living with us, being cared for by us. Her last year of life here was mostly fighting with her for us to do stuff for her. She got really sick about 4 months before she died and it was round the clock -she hated it, being changed, fed, cared for. She gave my kids a gift, two teens and two elementary age kids - they helped care for her here for a year. They have wonderful memories of her in their life and they also have caring for her when she was dying for that last year. They were her caretakers that last year and it’s something special even though it was hard for them to experience.
No death or dying is easy but fortunately I’ve had two parents who died with dignity or what I call dignity but more importantly, lived dignified lives. They lived their lives this way and died the same way. Tough act to follow but something to achieve as their kid. They were excellent parents, human beings. I always say my Dad gave me the gift of his humor/wit and my Mom gave me her faith/christianity/catholicism. I just have to live up to it all, lol.
Having read only the first page of this thread and it really hitting close to home, I’m just gonna jump in.
Last week my Mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. Came out of no where and needless to say we are mostly still in shock. Her attitude right now is she is not afraid to die but is deathly afraid of the pain involved. I flew my sister up from Fla to help me with appointments etc at this initial stage. Right now she wants to keep on working (she’s 73), she’s a fighter and she hates being a burden.
I have a brother (who’s in denial) and a sister (step) whose other side of family has had several cancer deaths and she was a caregiver in most of those situations.
My mother lives with me and has given me control (legally) to make all medical decisions. She trusts me to follow her wishes regardless of emotions involved. Could I do what this woman chose for herself. NO. My mother is also my best friend and I would do everything to make her comfortable.
Since I am just at the beginning of this journey I am sure I will come up with all kinds of difficult decisions. Hopefully God will guide me down the hardest ones.
Sorry for rambling. Just wanted to put my 2 cents in.