[facedown]

1. You can't win.
2. You can't break even.
3. You can't get out of the game.

Actually 3. is: You can't even come close.

8^)

[dr_lew]

Gee, I don’t know. I like the first version better.

Note that these paraphrases shift the semantic ground as they go along, so they are obscurantist in-jokes, and not pedagogical aids.

Note that the First Law says that you always break even precisely, in terms of energy conservation.

The Second Law says that you can’t run a closed cycle at 100% efficiency, hence, “you can’t break even”, but this is in a different sense than the first paraphrase.

The Third Law says that you can’t reach Absolute Zero, which could be seen as some sort of escape, if you could do it, and it continues the poker theme, so it has to be granted a modicum of cleverness.

I don’t know how you would construe the Third Law as, “You can’t even come close” because it says you can get as close as you please to Absolute Zero, but you can never make it all the way.