Our Honorable Hunters and the Pain-in-the-Butt Tree Huggers

Regnery Publishing is about to further bury the loons on the Left with its latest installment in the Politically Incorrect Guide series. Who’s in the crosshairs this time in this destined to be best-selling tome, you ask? Well, honey, it is the frothy and paranormal twinkies on the left who hate hunting and hunters and spread lies about us and the important role hunting plays within the world we live.

Author Frank Miniter, executive editor of American Hunter magazine, is the lucky duck who Regnery chose for the fun job of intellectually thrashing the lying liberals who whiz on our great sport and the vital role it plays in all of our lives.

Frank had to be chuckling with crazy glee as he banged away on his laptop, not just writing his personal opinions or wet-eyed, Disney-fueled feelings but rather the cold, hard, positive and objective empirical data about the truly excellent things that hunters bring—literally—to the table.

Here’s a tiny list, a mere smattering of blistering and irrefutable particulars you will find in the Politically Incorrect Guide to Hunting that hunters provide for animals and people, stuff like:

• Hunters donate tons of meat to food pantries, pay the fees that expand wildlife conservation programs, keep national parks preserved, and protect motorists’ lives.

• Hunters are true nature lovers and conservationists and are the first to report poachers who disregard laws that protect wildlife and natural habitats.

• Hunter-funded conservation groups are primarily responsible for bringing back American wildlife that was nearly extinct in the last century.

• Hunting is safer than soccer, football, baseball, cheerleading and ping pong.

• California game managers must wait ‘til a cougar threatens a human before they can rock its world. How sweet. Because of this brain fart, today the number of people that naughty cougars have killed has doubled from what it was before cougar hunting was banned.

• Deer kill ten times the number of people as sharks, cougars, bears and alligators combined, as well as more than commercial airline, bus and train accidents combined.

• When the greenies protected the alligators on Sanibel Island, Florida, the alligators ate the tree huggers and their dogs!

• Bear attacks are at an historic high, and you’re more likely to be attacked by a bear where hunting isn’t allowed—like in a national park.

• Bears with no fear of humans often attack after hearing gunshots—a diner bell that a deer or elk is waiting for them—and thanks to the tree huggers, hunters can’t do anything about it.

• Hunting protects trees from being destroyed by scavenging deer. Those trees help protect land from erosion and house songbird populations.

• Vegetarians who don’t eat meat because they love animals are eating vegetables from farmers who kill deer, rabbits and vermin that would destroy the vegans’ lunch. Remember that, hypocrites, when you crunch your little baby carrots and worship your edamame beans.

As stated above, this is just a simple sampling of the stonking truths Frank pummels the pro-stupidity anti-hunting cabal with.

However, I don’t expect this book to convert the implacable, closed-to-reality PETA types. Nothing can. They’re gonzo. What this book will do, though, is provide the hunter and the hunter-friendly person with intellectual fodder to defend this primal and noble sport with and significant specifics of why hunting is a must for mankind.

Hunters, you will feel proud and unashamed after you plow through this preponderance of evidence which paints you in the good light you should be painted in. Every hunter should get this pro-hunting compendium, read it, and then declare its contents loud and proud.

Now, let’s see…next weekend I’ve got a wild boar hunt. Yes, it seems that Porky Pig is destroying the tomatoes you vegans love to eat on my buddy’s 7,000 acre south Florida farm. We will shoot as many as we can for you…the vegetarian.

What else? Oh yeah, in November I’m going with my daughter to my friend’s ranch in Texas, and we’ll take an assortment of native and exotic game. In January I’ll be gator hunting in the wild swamps of the everglades, and then in June it’s back to Africa to hunt the cradle’s mighty critters.

Just with these hunts alone, I will put into circulation mucho money which will go to conservation, not to mention that my friends and I will feed hundreds of needy people low fat, high protein yummy meat. What about you, tree humper? How much money will you spend for conservation, and how much food will you provide for the poor in the next few months? I guarantee whatever it is, it doesn’t come remotely close to what the true animal and nature lovers, the hunters, provide.

Let me know when you've got the nerve to jump something this size

Everybody knows white boys can't jump and when you get up into my age, its tough just bending the knees..........

Those horses just seem to do it without even thinking about it don't they? The last time I rode a horse (30 years ago?) it cleverly rode me into a low lying branch of a tree..........The horse and the gal I was with certainly got a big kick out of that.

LOL!

Depends on the horse, they have aptitudes for different things. Since we're a combined training barn, we wouldn't have a horse in our barn who couldn't jump or didn't like to jump.

Properly trained, a good hunter can get himself into "the spot" (the place on the ground in front of the fence that is the optimum place for the horse to plant his hind feet for takeoff, so that his path is a nice smooth parabola not making contact with the obstacle!) A good rider is supposed to assist his horse in getting to the spot. My mare and I have a cooperative effort, I can usually see the spot about 4-5 strides out, then I either check her a little bit or urge her forward so that she meets it. She is very adjustable and she trusts me to put her in the right place, if I'm distracted by something she can find it on her own, but we work better as a team. Sometimes she'll shake me off like a pitcher refusing a catcher's sign, and I offer her another option. (This all happens really fast!)

Horses have a sixth sense about when somebody is a beginner and not really master of the situation . . . then they will rub you off on trees or take you under a low branch, if they're the mischievous type. On the second date I went on with my husband, we went riding with another couple at a local rent-a-horse place. The usual sorry and sour horses you get when all sorts of people are on and off their backs all day . . . my horse and I had a short sharp argument and she decided it was just simpler to do what I asked her to, but the other three had never ridden before and their horses were carrying them off into the woods, rubbing them on trees, etc. I wound up pulling a branch off a tree and riding herd on the other three, whomping the horses' butts with the branch whenever they misbehaved. My horse kinda got into it and thought it was great fun . . . and it's a total wonder and miracle that my husband ever asked me out again! (would YOU ask out a banshee that spent an hour rushing back and forth on a wild-eyed grade mare, yelling and swinging an oak branch around? Me neither!)

LOL! No hard feelings!

Any customary or "official" dress looks odd to the uninitiated. But we don't even notice, because everybody else is dressed the same. It's like going to the Highland Games - we have one locally, and we have always gone, since B.C. (Before Children). Since we are Scottish Country Dancers and used to be on the Demo Team, we always go and hang about the dance platform and help make up the sets.

When my son got to be 8 or so, he complained about wearing a kilt to the Games because he 'didn't want to wear a skirt'. I explained that (1) a kilt is not a skirt, brave soldiers wear them; and (2) if he wore trousers to the Games, he would look like a tourist instead of one of the men. That mollified him substantially.

And of course once we got there and he fully realized that Everybody who was Anybody was wearing a kilt too, he felt quite proud.

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