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Well Mamzelle, you came to the right place.

Here’s what you do. Rid-X won’t hurt anything. It doesn’t help but feel free to throw your money away.

Yes, get special toilet paper. Don’t need RV stuff...we use Scotts...one thousand sheets per roll and says “safe for septic systems”. Used it at our old house with a septic system and here. Available at most stores.

Now...here’s the secret...”IF IT’S YELLOW LET IT MELLOW; IF IT’S BROWN, FLUSH IT DOWN”

Put a trash can next to the toilet and tell all females to depost their toilet paper there after use. Get a trash can with a lid to avoid smells.

I do laundry once a month. Buy everybody a whole bunch of underwear and socks and tell them when the laundry will be done...NO EXCEPTIONS.

Be cognizant of shower and dishwasher usage.

I love septic systems. Treated right, they are the way God meant it to be. All the squirrels, deer, birds and bugs on the planet poop and pee right into the ground. A septic drain field makes your grass and flowers grow.

Tell that to the enviro-wackos.

I’m responding to myself because there are idiots who go Ewwwww to a perfectly good post but I am prompted to add....

....that bit about a trash can for toilet paper used by females after wiping themselves after urination, first, do not have your GUESTS do this! Just the female members of your family. Female guests may drop their toilet paper in the toilet and flush just as soon as they’re done. Goodness, allowing female guests to use your toilet as per normal won’t clog up your septic system. It really is a good way to keep down wear and tear on a septic system.

Also, that trash with the urine stained toilet paper, it really doesn’t stink. Air takes away the smell of urine. But for our sensibilities, you must understand.

Male “misses”, as it were, will smell up your bathroom more than my toilet paper scam.

Here’s another tidbit...I bought the house I live in here in the swamps of Delaware WHILE it had a failed septic system. At that time I lived in a house in Merryland that too had a failed system and I, as the then homeowner, had a new one installed. Lived through an old one, lived with the new ones. You learn stuff through experience.

Delaware is notorious for failed septic systems and what with a water table of about one inch this is understandable. You gotta be darn careful with how you treat a septic system here in the swamps but a lot of these new folks moving in close come from cities with sewer systems.

This house’s septic system was failed and this was know to the buyers right up front. The big hole and burrows all around the front lawn should have been a clue as well, duh.

I bought it anyway. I was not intimidated a bit. For one thing, the sellers were renting it at the time and every time I made a visit in the process of purchase that dingbat was washing clothes. The entire house was filled with laundry, everywhere, in various stages. She had two teenage children who laid around and did nothing.

I mean, one plus one plus one equals two, right? That woman killed the septic...I got eyeballs. Nothing will hurt your septic system more than bleach. Which is not to say you can’t use bleach but common sense...we all should have some, it’s why it’s common.

Anyway....anything else?