Replies

LOL, I can’t help but laugh, at the fact I read this (below) in the local newspaper on Aug. 28 (which was printed the night before), and then Sen. Craig’s incident comes out.

Venable: Call it a failure to communicate
By Sam Venable

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Since it’s not my habit to frequent women’s restrooms, I don’t know much about the protocol. All I can address is the men’s side of the equation, and after 60 years of practice, I pretty much have the routine down pat. Especially the do’s and don’ts.

In matters of interpersonal communication within these confines— a.k.a. talking — less is generally better.

If two strangers of the Guy Persuasion happen to enter the room simultaneously, it’s OK for them to acknowledge the other’s presence with a silent nod. If they do speak, it should be in a low, monotone, “How’ya doin?” or “Wha’ysay?” Or “Wha’sup?” for Gen-Xers and “What up, dawg?” among the 20-somethings.

Well, yes. If (1) the two Guy Persons are not strangers and (2) the atmospheric conditions are not, shall we say, “rose petal pleasant,” it is permissible, sometimes even mandatory, for one or the other make note of it with a nervous chuckle, followed by words on the order of, “Man! That’ll peel paint, won’t it?”

Beyond that, silence most often rules.

Another truism is the business of visual contact. Specifically, the lack thereof. Eyes forward, straight ahead is the order of the day. If women want to look at one another and remark, “Why, that’s the prettiest blouse I ever saw!” more power to ’em. Men prefer to stare holes in the wall.

This is particularly true if one man is standing at the time, taking care of business, and another Guy Person walks into the room, approaches the same general area (each spot separated by a chest-high partition) and also begins taking care of business in a standing position. This is no time for conviviality.

And yet a Guy Person I know — country comedy singer-songwriter Jerry “Hogman” Isham of Rockwood — was forced to break this cardinal rule a few days ago in Nashville. Jerry was in Music City to record some tunes for his latest CD. Later, he performed at a couple of cafes. Shortly after midnight, he was about to start back toward East Tennessee and decided to visit the john first. He was minding his own business when another Guy Person sidled up on the far side of the partition and began talking.

“Right out of the blue, he says, ‘How’re you doin?’ ” Jerry told me. “I said, ‘Fine, how’re you?’

“Then he says, ‘When did you get into town?’ I said, ‘About noon today.’

“Then he says, ‘Are you gonna sing?’ I said, ‘I just did.’

“Then he says, ‘Who are you with?’ I said, ‘My buddy, Jeremy Ball.’

“I gotta tell you, I was getting nervous. I didn’t dare look over. Just kept starin’ straight ahead. But the other feller wouldn’t quit.

“He says, ‘Are you comin’ back to town?’ I said, ‘Next Monday.’ He says, ‘When are you leavin’ town?’ I said, ‘Right now!’

“I went over to wash my hands and heard that feller say, ‘Bye, I love you, too.’ ”

Curiosity finally took control, and Jerry glanced across the room.

“He’d been talkin’ to someone on a cell phone!” he exclaimed. “Reckon he was just as surprised, ’cause all he did was stare at me while he folded up that phone.”

In the parlance of show business, the parties exited — stage right and stage left.

Columnist Sam Venable may be reached at 865-342-6272 or venob@knews.com. His newest book, “Someday I May Find Honest Work: A Newspaper Humorist’s Life,” has just been released by University of Tennessee Press.