Men Choose Romance Over Success

Science Daily — Men may be more willing than women to sacrifice achievement goals for a romantic relationship, according to a new study by Catherine Mosher of Duke Medical Center and Sharon Danoff-Burg from the University of Albany. Their findings challenge our preconceptions that women are more likely to prioritize people and relationships while men are more focused on themselves and their achievements.

The authors looked at whether personality traits influence students’ life goals, and focused on the relative importance of romantic relationships and achievement goals in particular. A total of 237 undergraduate students (80 men and 157 women aged 16 to 25 years), from the psychology department at a state university in the northeast of the US, completed questionnaires measuring personality traits and life goals.

In particular, Mosher and Danoff-Burg looked at ‘agency’, or the focus on oneself and the formation of separations, including self-assertion, self-protection, and self-direction, as well as ‘communion’, or the focus on other people and relationships, which involves group participation, cooperation and formation of attachments. In general, women tend to score higher on measures of communion whereas men tend to score higher than women on measures of agency.

Life goals included seven achievement goals (physical fitness, travel, financial success, home ownership, contribution to society, career and education) and five different types of relationships (romantic, marriage, children, circle of friends and family ties). Participants’ willingness to sacrifice achievement goals for a romantic relationship was also examined.

Overall both college men and women showed strong desires for individual achievement and relational intimacy. As expected, self-focus was linked to the importance of achieving, such as having a successful career. Focus on others was related to the importance of having meaningful relationships and making a contribution to society.

Unexpectedly however, men were more likely than women to give priority to a romantic relationship when asked to choose between a relationship and their career, education and traveling.

The authors suggest that college women in this study may have been strongly committed to working towards a successful career and therefore hesitant to abandon their goals for a romantic relationship. In contrast to women, men also appear to derive more emotional support from their opposite-sex relationships than their same-sex friendships.

The paper will be published in the next issue of the Springer journal, Gender Issues.

Reference Mosher C, Danoff-Burg S (2007). College Students’ Life Priorities: The Influence of Gender and Gender-linked Personality Traits. Gender Issues, Vol. 24, No. 2. (DOI 10.1007/s12147-007-9002-z)

...from the psychology department...

Exactly. This is a biased sample to begin with

The age group also skews the priorities.

College-age women who have not yet been in the workplace full-time have an unrealistically glamorous view of what their future careers will be like. Interview these same women at age 30, and if they're still single, many will long for family.

College-age men have who have not yet been in a long-term relationship have an unrealistic view of romance. Interview these same men at age 30, and if their romance has blossomed into a family, they're going to be obsessed with making sure the family is provided with a nice house, good schools and all the other necessities of life.

This article has a misleading idea of success.

I grew up in a semi-stable house. My Mom and Dad got along alright. When they were getting along great life was great. Now all of this was going on while my Dad went from one dead-end job to the next.

When I graduated from High School I had a two-fold goal. Marry the woman who I could love for my entire life. In this ‘romantic’ relationship I would seek to be the best Dad and husband I could be so I could provide the most peaceful environment for my children. The second goal was to get a stable job with some degree of stability.

Now, according to this article, and some people here I have chosen romance over success. This is because I have not pursued College degrees or advancement in the company for which I work, because it takes too much time away from my family. While financially or business wise I would not be placed in the ‘successful’ column, family wise I am bathing in success.

I have three beautiful healthy children whom I get far more satisfaction out of watching their sporting events or camping out with or just joking around the dinner table with then ANY carreer position could possibly give me.

I need only look at my own brother and his wife. They chose to not have children in their quest for financial success. They have acchieved financial success. He runs his own computor business from home (Masters degree). She works for a large fortune 500 company as a tax lawyer. They can and do travel where-ever they want. They can buy whatever they want. They will probably retire early as millionaires, but they have no one to pass on all of their life lessons to.

If that’s how people define success, you can have it. Give me a 30 year mortgage, no new cars off of the lot, vacations limited to local tourist traps, and constant carpooling of kids to events anyday. I have met my goal of having kids and raising them in a secure environment. That, to me, is a far greater success then any job could EVER give.

Sincerely

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