“So I was just driving through Georgia, took one wrong turn, and ended up in Fort Benning. This Chief Petty Officer saw me walking around and told me to put on this unform on and I did, just to be polite I then had to live in this tank and get up real early every morning, but I didn’t think anything of it. Then 5 weeks later, they told me I was a Marine and I couldn’t get out of it!”
“I was assigned the job duty of torturer and sent to the city of Kabul in Iraq. Every evening, the people from Halliburton would tell me how I was to torture the prisoners. My specific duty was torturing Iraqis who were members of lesbian co-ops who angered the imperialists by not placing enough transfats in their organically grown watermelons. I would record their screams all night, which Halliburton would sell to horror movies, splitting the profits with Dick Cheney.”
“After six months of doing this disgusting work, I achieved the rank of comodore but then got discharged for not mixing the Koran with bacon. I am now homeless and living in Lafayette Park. Every day, President Bush and his entire staff come out and urinate on me and mock my service to the country.”
“Every word of my story is true. If you doubt me, you’re a Bush voter and can’t be trusted.”
LOL! Do you write for the New Republic?