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If he was capable of getting an erection and having sex, obviously he wouldn’t have been incapacitated.

I'm afraid the ability to sustain an erection is not necessarily a good indicator of lack of incapacitation. One of the benefits of being a young man is that your mechanisms oftentimes work beyond all expectations or reason. I can recall an incident in my college days where, after a night of heavy drinking, my girlfriend decided she was in the mood and initiated romantic activities of which she took complete charge. I only vaguely recall the tremendous feeling of good fortune that I felt just before I passed out and, as I was told the next morning, she realized I was unconscious, rather than just really relaxed, only once I started snoring, because apparently I was able to maintain full mast for some time even after passing out.

As far as I'm concerned, if a woman goes out with a guy, drinks with a guy, and goes back to his place, she has implied consent the whole time. I'm sick of this direction the legal system has decided to go where the man is always accountable for his behavior regardless of how intoxicated he is, but a woman is absolved of all responsibility for her own behavior if she's had a couple of drinks. If she wasn't unconscious or forced, then I don't care how drunk she was - she consented and it's not rape.

“she realized I was unconscious, rather than just really relaxed, only once I started snoring, because apparently I was able to maintain full mast for some time even after passing out.”

Are you saying that both might have been unconscious while they were having sex? Seems highly unlikely to me.

“If she wasn’t unconscious ....”

Thats just it. She contends she was unconscious, or so incapacitated as to have been unable to say ‘yes’ or assent. Whether she was or not is the question.

As far as I'm concerned, if a woman goes out with a guy, drinks with a guy, and goes back to his place, she has implied consent the whole time...

That's not the state of the law, nor do I think it should be...you're describing a cultural standard. In a lot of Hispanic communities, getting in a car with guys is implied consent.

What both have in common? While I think both are unwise, neither are consent.

The situation you described sounds like a one-night stand. I believe consent in that case has to be very clear.