they gonna exchange parts now or something???
Posted on 07/06/2007 5:24:51 PM PDT by Bluestateredman
COMING OUT: Parents learn true meaning of family after both son and daughter announce they are gay
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Photo by Shawn Lynch/staff photographer Tom and Carole Allen, the parents of a gay son and a gay daughter, at their home in Arlington on Saturday, June 30, 2007.
By Patricia Bertuccio GateHouse News Service Thu Jul 05, 2007, 10:18 AM EDT
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Story Tools: Email This | Print This Arlington, Mass. - “Imagine that, one day, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court sees what you could not — that your children are entitled to the right and privilege to marry the person of their choosing just as you and your husband did 36 years earlier. You begin to understand how discrimination is perpetuated and feel stupid for having accepted it. The old hopes and dreams for family weddings return.”
-From ‘Imagine,’ by Carole Allen The fact that Carole and Tom Allen’s two children are gay was not what disappointed them when their first child, David, then a junior in high school, “came out” and told his family he was attracted to men. Or when their daughter Abbie, at age 14, discovered she was a lesbian.
It was the dream of weddings and grandchildren that really made their hearts ache.
“It was at a time when [homosexuality] was not out there,” Carole said. “It’s just realizing and adjusting your expectations. They had to be altered.”
“But it turned out a lot less than we thought,” Tom added. That was 15 years ago. David, 31, wed his partner Michael in 2004, less than a year after Massachusetts Supreme Court made same-sex marriages legal. On New Year’s Eve, Abbie, 27, will marry her partner Anna at the Charlestown Navy Yard under Boston’s New Year’s fireworks.
Carole beamed when asked to see her son’s wedding album. Her face radiated with pride like the sun on a perfect beach day as she pointed out her son and son-in-law, her daughter and her fiancée Anna, and other family members in the photos.
“Weddings are for parents, by and large,” Tom said. The Allens felt relief when the state legislature, on June 15, voted 151-45 against a referendum that would let voters decide whether to add a constitutional amendment that defines marriage between a man and woman.
“It would have been really humiliating to have people vote on our children and how much our children were worth,” Tom said. “The existing definition of marriage works out very well, thank you very much. It’s just letting more people in the club.”
Tom said his wife should be a registered lobbyist as she worked with local state representatives and senators, wrote a piece called “Imagine” that describes her experience having gay children and the opportunities same-sex marriage has allowed for her family. She testified at the State House to oppose an amendment to outlaw any same-sex relationship.
“People who claim that their marriage is being hurt by gay marriage are missing the point,” Carole said. “It’s quite the opposite.”
Out of the closet “Imagine that, when your son is in high school, you discover that he is attracted to men. Even though your brother is gay, you somehow have ignored evidence that your son could be gay, too. Out of fear, you and your husband confront him about this “dangerous lifestyle,” then spend the next two years anxious and yearning to regain his and each other’s trust. You finally find a way to reach out to each other and become even closer than ever before.”
At their home on Beverly Road, Carole and Tom laugh and talk freely about the uncertainty and adjustment that came with learning their children are homosexuals.
Carole calls accepting the sexual orientation of their children a journey. Her brother is gay, but hearing her son was shocked her.
“We didn’t handle it well. We confronted him in a way that made him say, ‘I don’t know yet.’” Carole said of her son’s sexuality. “We went through a couple of years of isolation and not talking to each other about it, which was very hard.”
Carole said she wanted to learn more about it and went to some PFLAG, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, support group meetings. She admitted talking about it made her teary-eyed, but after she wrote a letter to David, they reopened the lines of communication.
Tom said he put it aside for a while and it took him years before he could accept and openly talk with coworkers about his children and their sexuality.
“The adjustments are mental. You envision a future for your child and that vision is turned upside,” Tom said. “But as it turns out, it absolutely hasn’t been.”
After picking David up from college his first year, Tom and David talked it out and they began to rebuild their relationship.
When Abbie came out, Carole said it was turbulent time in her daughter’s life and her being a lesbian was the least of her problems.
“She went through a lot of adolescence stuff,” Carole said. “Some of it had to do with that her school placement wasn’t correct for her.”
Abbie helped found the Gay-Straight Alliance at Arlington High School before she transferred to the Cambridge School of Weston, a more arts-focused secondary school. Carole said a school guidance counselor and a therapist helped get Abbie’s sexuality out there and made it easier.
Carole and Tom said some Arlington community members knew David was gay before they did. They didn’t face any discrimination and lauded Arlington’s tolerance.
“The town has a very active focus on diversity and they’re very protective of diversity,” Carole said. “[Discrimination] is not tolerated in this town.”
The Allens said even though the transition was hard, they loved their children and worked hard to embrace them for who they were, regardless of their sexual preferences. And with state officials moving in favor of acceptance and expanding gay rights, everything was falling into place.
“There’s no question that this is the way things are going and anyone trying to resist it is just pulling back against the tide,” Tom said of the recent gay marriage rulings. “You get the feeling that society is moving along with you.”
Brides and babies
“Imagine that your legislature has the opportunity to oppose discrimination once and for all by defeating the proposed constitutional amendment. You will feel pride and gratitude if they stand up for your family – a family that just wants happiness, togetherness, and standing in the community.”
The Allens are gearing up for a second wedding this winter for Abbie and Anna while waiting for David and Michael to work through the adoption process. David and Michael plan to adopt the child of a woman whose pregnancy they will follow while Abbie and Anna already have talked about adopting a child internationally.
Carole said Abbie and her future daughter-in-law both have bride’s dresses and will be back in Arlington this August to continue wedding planning and making arrangements. Carole said wedding planners are excited about organizing a same-sex marriage so they can add it to their portfolios.
Both Tom and Carole called weddings “fun.” The excitement and anticipation of the second wedding gleamed in their eyes and smiles.
Though it took years for the Allens to fully accept their children, the journey is over and they look forward to the next phases of their children’s lives, particularly grandchildren.
“Neither of us would wish they would be any other way because that would change who they are,” Tom said. “You just have to look beyond [sexuality] and embrace your children for the unique and wonderful people they are.”
Quoted material is taken from Carole Allen’s “Imagine,” a piece she wrote and submitted to legislators to earn their support for gay rights.
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From my hometown paper.
Nice.
No agenda promotion here.
Nah.
So they still have a son and daughter right?
This is confusing.
“....both son and daughter announce they are gay”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, look on the bright side. At least they didn’t announce they are in love and getting married to eachother with a baby on the way.
That’s probably next. Incest rights now!
How tragically sad for all involved, especially any children dragged into this mess.
They probably encouraged their daughter to play sports, and their son to play with dolls. Diversity, etc.
they gonna exchange parts now or something???
Just wait...........The same arguments being made for homosexual marriage can and will be used to promote polygamy and any kind of group marriage.
Gay activists have been arguing it’s discriminatory to restrict marriage to man-woman couples, so that it should be just any two people. But what they aren’t saying is that limiting marriage to just two people is equally discriminatory.
It’s just a matter of time before the polygamy lawsuits come up. And then the group marriage lawsuits, with any number, any gender. The whole legal argument has been that it’s discriminatory not to have same-sex marriage, not that it benefits society in any way. So based on that, how the heck is polygamy or polyamory going to be stopped, legally speaking?
Interesting. I wonder how much time the Uncle had with his nephew.
I know a family that experienced the same set of circumstances. It was devastating to them, but they never quit giving support to their children - and ALWAYS made sure the ‘children’ knew they were loved by their parents.
The father was a college basketball and football coach. His son wanted to take ballet lessons at age five. The mother was a homemaker who loved cooking, baking, organizing, decorating, making the home a sanctuary for her family. The daughter wanted only major sports - tennis, soccer, football, and any extreme competition.
Of course they regretted not having grandchildren - but never stopped loving their kids.
Everythings normal in BIZZARO WORLD!
Yeah, that’s what makes people gay, Bob. /sarcasm
Ever attend a WNBA game?
It is precisely their love for their children that makes such a situation so difficult for parents. It is very hard to see a loved one follow a self-destructive course, whether it be homosexuality, alcoholism, or drug addiction.
Those environmental factors in homosexuality begin working early on.
I suspect the first happenings will be people attempting to marry a famous animal for access to it’s money. Others may try to marry several sick people on the grounds that they need health insurance.
The first “test” cases will be about money, not love, IMO.
Is this some new-fangled way to argue for abortion-rights?
And why don't I find the line below reassuring? My first reaction is that maybe that the school "guidance counselor" and "therapist" belong in jail, or worse, for child molestation.
Carole said a school guidance counselor and a therapist helped get Abbie’s sexuality out there and made it easier.
“Parents learn true meaning of family after both son and daughter announce they are gay”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah,they sure do. They soon realise that there will be no Grandkids. That their son may have Aids already or has a good chance of getting it. That their kids are queer,but of course they still love them in spite of it. That they go to bed that night ,but they dont sleep well for a couple of weeks, wondering where they went wrong.
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