Sadly, I perceive that, currently, you possess neither.
You are the literal pot calling the kettle black.
I was once in the same dark place which you now inhabit. I actually became a Christian by setting out to disprove what I thought then were wives tales about an itinerant carpenter from the Middle East. Many of the most effective and ardent Christian advocates came to Christ through this route. Like me, they took a look at the evidence and concluded that, amazingly, the Bible is literally true and Christ is the Son Of God and He mandates that each person decide {with eternal consequences} what to do with those facts.
But, this quest for truth requires two things: {1} intellectual honesty and {2} spiritual humility.”
You forgot to mention: (3) a complete disregard of science, and (4) a complete disregard of logic.