AWESOME FACTS ABOUT FRED THOMPSON: (
* Fred Thompson has on multiple occasions pronounced “nuclear” correctly.
* Not only does Fred Thompson cut taxes, he cuts tax collectors.
* The masked executioner of Saddam Hussein was Fred Thompson.
* Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.
* Fred Thompson took over what was Al Gore’s Senate seat, thereby dramatically reducing the Senate’s carbon footprint. Fred Thompson then created carbon offset offsets by wastefully burning hippies.
* The reason Fred Thompson didn’t want to stay in the Senate for long is because it kept him from doing his favorite hobby: Prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers.
* Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn’t stopped wetting his pants.
* Fred Thompson reconsidered running for reelection after 9/11 but later decided to handle things on his own. He was soon seen entering the Middle East with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a handgun in the other. They’re still counting the dead.
* Hillary will avoid debating Fred Thompson because she knows his gaze can kill. She has been wary of him ever since he personally strangled the Clinton cat.
* You think I’m joking about the killer gaze, but he once stood on our southern border and glared at Mexico. There was no illegal immigration for a month.
* The actual cause of global warming: Fred Thompson’s burning rage.
* The budget to Law & Order was dramatically increased when Fred Thompson was added to the cast because he has to be digitally inserted into the scenes since anytime he’s near Hollywood liberals, their heads explode.
* Fred Thompson vows not only to win in Iraq but also to forcefully free Vietnam from Communism, thus giving America a perfect win record for wars again.
* Webster’s Dictionary defines “conservatism” as “how closely one’s views resemble those of Fred Thompson.”
* Fred Thompson’s sense of strategy is so great that he can checkmate you using only a pawn.
* Fred Thompson can open clamshell packaging without the slightest trouble.
* In a butterfly ballot, no matter where you punch it the vote goes to Fred Thompson.
That list is awesome.
That sounds like the Chuck Norris facts.