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Obama Touts Gun-Control

Cho Seung-Hui, the presumed mentally ill gunman who shot 32 people at Virginia Tech inspired Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill.) to urge that laws should be strengthened to prevent the mentally ill from buying guns. Federal laws already prohibit those confirmed to be mentally ill from purchasing guns. Obama says these laws don’t go far enough.

“Existing laws miss the point,” Obama said. “A desire to own a gun should, by itself, be considered prima facie evidence of mental illness. I mean, who would want a gun? In this modern age, gun ownership is an anachronism. The average home-owner isn’t hunting to put food on his family’s table. He doesn’t need to fight off savages who would rape his wife and murder or abduct his children. Why does he need a gun? It’s nuts.”

Under Obama’s proposal, a new federal Gun Registry Administration Bureau (GRAB) would be established. GRAB would be authorized to review all state laws pertaining to gun ownership and void those deemed unsuitably “loose.” “Under our Constitution, regulation of firearms is a federal responsibility,” Obama claimed. “States must not be permitted to usurp this authority through lax enforcement.”

Obama insisted that “those truly in need of owning a weapon will still have access. All they have to do is demonstrate to the satisfaction of federal agents that they have a legitimate need for it.” Obama did admit, though, that demonstrating such a need would be difficult since the mere expression of a need for a firearm would normally be considered disqualifying.

In related news, California Assemblyman Kevin de León (D-Los Angeles) introduced a bill (AB 362) that would put restrictions on ammunition. De Leon applauded himself for “finding a loophole in the Second Amendment.” “The Bill of Rights says people have the right to bear arms,” de Leon pointed out. “It doesn’t say anything about bullets.”

De Leon congratulated himself on coming up with “a bullet-proof solution to mass murders like the ones we saw at Virginia Tech. Without bullets, Cho would’ve been stopped before he started.”