Bummer, no doubt about it. Skipping the activities is fine, they are really for the living as your colleague is past caring.
IF I may share…..
I had a friend; one of those ‘grew up together’, lived at each others homes kind, from 7th grade thru college buds. He got married, I joined the service.
About 5 years later, I got a call that he had killed himself. Nothing else, just that ha took a bottle of wine and a garden hose and sitting in his car, watched the sun set on the day and himself. I was pissed, then sad, then resigned.
I found out many years later, much older and I hope wiser – that my friend had been in a running fight with his EX, she finally had him arrested. Shortly after that, he was gone. Did he die from lack of love? Too much hate? Lack of a ‘safety net’? Dunno, can’t ask him.
Your colleague had her own reasons – she did not consult with you (or anyone for that matter) as I gather from your story.
IS anyone at fault? Doubtful. Could you or anyone have helped, again, doubtful.
For the sake of argument, assume she was sick in a way you could not see, and likely could not heal. Say a prayer to a merciful God for her and go on.
Then give your wife/lover/kids/inlaws a big hug and get on with the business of life.
That, that you can do. And we all must.
ASOC sends
Very well stated