Romantic Revulsion in the New Century: Flaw-O-Matic 2.0 (Perfectionism Kills Romance)

New York Times ^ | 10 April 2007 | John Tierney

[shrinkermd]

Alfred Adler: "The curse of perfectionism is if you succeed you humiliate others but if you fail you humiliate yourself.

The Sally Field effect seemed to center around to perfectionists finding something in common--chemistry.

[sportutegrl]

This whole article, (written by a guy) makes it seem like women are more picky than men. Consider this statement about women: They’re less willing to date someone of another race.

Yet I see a lot of white woman/black man couples, but rarely see a white man/black woman.

[Tax-chick]

Every interracial couple is made up of a man who’s willing to go out with someone of another race, and a woman who’s willing to go out with someone of another race.

[stockpirate]

“They found that a 5-foot-8 man was just as successful in getting dates as a 6-footer if he made more money — precisely $146,000 a year more. For a 5-foot-2 man, the number was $277,000.”

I think women tend to view dating only from the money angle.

When a women meets a new man the questions are based around, income, education and car. education and car are indicators of income. Also when they tell their friends of a new man they are dating the questions are based on these very same topics.

Not, does he treat you nice, is he caring, does he love you etc.

It is about the money.

I was recently datng a young lady and she started talking about prenups and that the man should allow for the wife to recieve money in the event of a splitup based on the number of years they spent together, sorta like a bonus plan I guess.

[Tax-chick]

I was recently dating a young lady and she started talking about prenups

I expect a man would find that off-putting.

[Khepera]

I have in my experiance found that bottom line it is about money.

[Mr. Jeeves]

When a woman meets a new man the questions are based around, income, education and car. education and car are indicators of income.

If she's asking those questions, she's thinking about settling for you. That means you've already struck out with her in the love arena, so it's time to move on.

[Tax-chick]

That means you've already struck out with her in the love arena, so it's time to move on.

Excellent point.

It's fortunate that I fell for my FReepless spouse when I was too young and giddy to think things through, because he had nothing but debt. (And potential :-).

[Paisan]

It is about the money.

Amen to that Bro’.

Between marriages, I was dating a young lady. She was marginally above my ‘threshold’ but...
Anyway, when she was convinced that ‘it’ was over, she sent me a bill for all the ‘gifts’ she had purchased for me - around $240.00. I broke all records writing out the check...

[CertainInalienableRights]

They found that a 5-foot-8 man was just as successful in getting dates as a 6-footer if he made more money — precisely $146,000 a year more. For a 5-foot-2 man, the number was $277,000.

My personal experience is that this is very true, at least with online dating.

I'm 5'6", have a better than average job, etc etc.

I've been on several online dating sites and if I lie and say I'm 5'8" or 6'x", I will have so many matches I can't possibly contact them all.

As a technical guy, I spent a little bit of time "tweaking" my various details and desires in my profile to see what areas generated the most matches - by far, women's #1 requirement is height. I've even seen more than one woman, looking for "her soulmate" where her only requirement was height - all the "important" categories for their prospective match - income, personality, religion, politics, children, marriage potential were set to "any".

And its not like these women are tall themselves and are just looking for men who have a few inches on them. I've seen many gals 5'1" who will only date guys 5'11" and above.

I hope I don't come off as bitter about this, as I'm not - I'm more perplexed. As someone in my late 30s, my whole life I've been harangued that men are too hung up on appearances and should be looking past that to find the "real woman" - turns out the ladies are the pots calling the kettles black.

I'm not giving up, but one is wise to know the rules of the game before he plays it, and those are the rules.

[SlowBoat407]

I have in my experiance found that bottom line it is about money.

My wife and I were friends for a year or so before we started dating. While we were friends, she was dating a wealthy surgeon who at one point took her on a photo safari to Africa. She broke up with him soon after that because she realized one night while they were looking at the Southern Cross that she'd rather be sharing that view with me. She says marrying money would have been nice, for a while, but she's happier with someone who's good to her and who understands her quirks.

[stockpirate]

Yes we do, the other thing is some only ask about my business interests and never want to talk about anything else.

[stockpirate]

Seems to be that way to me too!

[stockpirate]

Amen to that!

[SlowBoat407]

You are 100% correct on the height thing. I’m 5’7” and ran into exactly the same thing. First question out of the box was “height?”. When I told them, I got the brush, often with a terse, “too short” (to which I replied, “and you’re too shallow”).

My wife is my height, and couldn’t care less about how tall I am.

[stockpirate]

I would not have sent her the money, I would have remind her they wer gifts from her to me.

The other thing they do is drop little hints at what nice gifts you can buy for them.

I usually ignore those hints and buy something that I would like to give them.

[SlowBoat407]

Anyway, when she was convinced that ‘it’ was over, she sent me a bill for all the ‘gifts’ she had purchased for me - around $240.00. I broke all records writing out the check...

You should have asked her about her hourly rate, since that's what it seemed to comed down to.

[Gay State Conservative]

I was recently dating a young lady and she started talking about prenups..I expect a man would find that off-putting.

Prenups are for older,established men and women.One could argue that when such couples marry one of the things that they would agree upon is that what they've accumulated individually before they met should remain the sole property of that person.

IMO,the younger a person is when he/she starts talking about prenups the more suspicious it is.

[Larry Lucido]

Deal breakers:

1. Man hands
2. Elmer Fudd laugh
3. Used toothbrush that fell in toilet
4. Got dumped by Newman
5. Likes Dockers commercial

[Gabz]

I don’t understand the thing about height at all. I’m 5’10” and in the day dated guys anywhere from 5’4’ to 6’7” I never paid any attention to it. My husband is barely 2 inches taller tham me, I always wore 3+ inch heels.