Posted on 03/26/2007 3:27:31 PM PDT by paltz
A cancer victim has accused his sister of condemning him to death by refusing to donate her bone marrow for a life-saving operation.
Father-of-three Simon Pretty is likely to die from leukaemia within months unless he receives a transplant.
His sister Helen, 43, is a perfect match but he says she has turned down the chance to save his life. Without the donation Mr Pretty – who has a rare tissue type – could be dead by the end of the year leaving his wife Jacqueline to raise their children Rebecca, eight, Jack, six and Benjamin, three.
he human resources manager from Mobberley, Cheshire, is receiving aggressive chemotherapy in an attempt to stay alive long enough to find another donor.
What a donor has to go through Doctors have said that to have the best chance of survival he must find a match by the end of the summer.
He has already exhausted the UK bone marrow register and doctors are looking for a match from strangers on international databases.
"I am on death row," said Mr Pretty. "I can’t believe that she would let my three children lose their father so unnecessarily by her actions.
Helen Pretty has declined to comment "We found a prayer in Rebecca’s coat which said: 'Please don’t let my daddy die from cancer'. That brought tears to my eyes."
Helen Pretty’s Cheshire home is less than ten miles away from the British Transplantation Society which campaigns to promote organ and bone marrow donation.
Her brother claims she agreed to be a donor after he was first diagnosed with the rare cancer, acute promyelocytic leukaemia, in July 2004. He went into remission but then suffered a relapse in February by which time she had changed her mind, he says.
The pair have never been close although their children are similar ages and play together.
Mr Pretty’s wife Jacqueline said: "It is appalling that Helen can stand by and watch her brother die knowing that she could do something to help him. The past few months have been hell."
Mrs Pretty approached her sister-in-law in an attempt to change her mind but lost her temper and was eventually arrested. No charge was brought.
Jacqueline Pretty said: "She opened the front door halfway and I told her that things were desperate and the children thought their daddy was going to die. She said 'Sorry, I am not doing it'. I asked her to give me a reason and she said 'I am putting my family first'.
"I explained that there were no risks involved. I was so upset and I said, 'Don’t you care if your brother dies?' She said 'It’s very sad', and smirked."
The family then received a letter from his sister’s solicitor asking them to keep their distance.
Parent governor Helen, 43, declined to comment yesterday.
She runs a private education business from her £380,00 home in Wilmslow, Cheshire, which she shares with her partner and her daughter, eight, and son, three.
Mr Pretty, who has two masters degrees, is studying for a PhD in industrial relations while being treated in hospital.
He said: "The treatment is tough and it is tortuous to go on with, especially as it would be unnecessary had she come forward. I have had a skin full of chemotherapy and all the side effects but I have a young family and I have to keep my spirits up for them."
Mr Pretty said he hoped that his plight would highlight the lack of bone marrow donors in the UK. He added: "Some people do not have a family member who is a match, even one who will not co-operate."
A spokesman for the Anthony Nolan Trust, which has a database of potential UK bone marrow donors, said: "About 30 per cent of patients could get a match from their own family – usually siblings.
"The chance of finding a match outside of family is very small and there are never enough donors."
A less than exact bone marrow match has a smaller chance of beating the cancer.
Trust chief executive Dr Steve McEwan added: "As with any medical procedure there are risks. However, we are not aware of long-term side effects of the process of donating bone marrow. Donors describe it as a very positive experience."
It's not supposed to fix anything: Merely establishing a set of guidelines.
Pay to play.
I think that's a lesson we all could learn.
As a matter of fact, I'd take out a damn billboard!
Ewww, did he really? Hang onto that rifle.
I think as long as she is under 18, you would be contacted immediately in any emergency, especially one that involved those kinds of decisions. That said, it might not be a bad time to get a living will put together for her. I know it sounds harsh...but life is uncertain and it would help all of you rest easier.
I went through a battery of tests to see if I could donate a part of my liver to my infant son before his liver transplant. One of the things I had to do was talk to a doctor that was not part of the liver transplant team to make sure I was freely willing to donate and not doing it under any sort of duress. If the system in the UK is anything like that here in the USA then his sister wouldn't be allow to donate now.
I'm not the most religious person in the world, but I do believe that any sort of God would have a serious problem with this. Humanity is better than this.
I have. I'm also in the bone marrow registry as a donor if anyone ever matches me. Stranger or family, doesn't matter. If I'm a match, I donate.
It's called shame. It used to be a valid method of maintaining community mores, before we all got so PC.
I figure the dude was dying and figured, what the hell?
Maybe like a 'Hail mary pass', or something?
If I was dying, would I shame someone into saving me? Uh, Yeah? Doesn't mean it was right.
A possible fourth reason is that she really enjoys playing God... having the power of life and death over another person, or having the wife beg. Once she donates, she's just another donor. Hold back and she is like a god.
I volunteer to be tested for compatability to donate and, if compatable, will do so. Dunno how to get in touch with this guy or the competent authorities in the UK: wouldn't mind finding out. Anyone here know?
Serious offer. I think everyone should consider registering as a matter of good Citizenship.
In NZ getting onto the local Registry is a bit of a trick due to funding: that said, I was fully tested by Red Cross in Canada and still have those records somewhere.
Donating bone marrow is not a big deal at all: for the donor it only means an overnite stay in a local hospital and almost zero risk, and a day or so's lite aches-and-pains afterward, nothing worse than playing a good game of rugby on the weekend.
Hey, you've gotta sleep somewhere overnite, why not in a comfortable Hospital for one nite in your life, while saving someone else's life at the same time? The time may come when one day you or someone you love might be on the receiving end of the IV: karma works something like that sometimes...
Back in the '90's they used to take the marrow out of your hip bone under General Anaesthetic with a rather long needle, then watch you overnite to make sure you were OK. No worries: you have more than plenty bone marrow, and it grows back quickly. Won't even notice it missing. Dunno why the General anaesthetic, probably just a matter of comfort for the donor (I'm guessing).
Who knows? -- they might even extract it under Local these days. Technology has advanced after all.
For the recipient, they need to be sure they have a good donor, because once they do their bone marrow is entirely killed off. They will die without the donation: so it is important for the donor not to "chicken out" (they always have that option). It is an irreversable decision for the recipient.
There has to be more to this story than meets the eye: frankly, I find it *incredible* that his sister won't donate: "bad blood" between 'em? It would have to be pretty bad to justify that. Even so, that sort of refusal is hard to justify at *any* level. "Cold" doesn't begin to describe it.
Leukemia is a lousy way to die.
So. Serious offer to the family of this guy: if he needs marrow and if I'm a suitable match, I will donate whatever he needs, as fast as we can make the logistical arrangements. I'm good for it and will not chicken out.
I'd do that for anyone (open offer, subject to medical safety).
In Memoriam, B.H. eldest son of a fireman and good friend of mine. Died too young. Said I'd keep the Faith and I shall.
*DieHard*
Ha!
My brother put his snake under my sheets. I'd give him bone marrow...but it would come with a tarantula.
Assuming you ever get him to trial, and how many innocent lives are lost in the waiting?
Save one at the cost of two, or save two at the cost of one?
A sociopath would have never agreed to donate in the first place and would have been unmoved by pleas, manipulation, need or any other social imperative, because they are, by definition, asocial.
Very well put. You aint so bad.
LOL. Thanks PD.
And you're not as bad as you think you are.
Okay, this is HUMOR, ok?
I was just thinking that if your question was put to a Battlestar Gallactica fan last night, say around...7:30, what kind of replies you might have received?
Maybe its just me, but I find that scenario hilarious, considering how long we waited for that finale.
Would I have missed it to save a life? I....I'll get back to ya...
You are absolutely right. You have no right to another person's body parts. However, I have to question the character of someone who wouldn't act to save a brother's life if it were in her power to do so. I am wondering what horrible thing he could have possibly done to make her care so little for his life.The bottom line is that I couldn't possibly watch my brother die if I could save him. Only someone who is cold hearted, selfish, and truly lacking the ability to care could be so uncooperative.
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