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Classified Car Ad Translator

Needs Minor Work - Needs significant work.

Needs Nothing - Except a tow truck.

Easy Project Car - Completely disassembled, bring many boxes.

Minor Rust - Don't sit down!

Minor Rust - Major rust you can’t see.

Low Mileage - Only 170,000.

Convertible - After driving under truck.

Runs Great - Too bad it doesn’t roll.

Alarm - Wires are cut to sell stolen.

Nice Stereo - To overcome exhaust noise.

Needs Paint - To cover rust.

New Paint - Beautifully covers rust.

Fully Loaded - Seller is too.

All Options - 8-track player.

Only 59,000 Miles - Actually 359,000 miles.

Rare Model - One of 500,000 made.

Must Sell - Before the law finds seller.

Must Sell - Need bail money.

Summer Fun - Roof leaks in winter.

Summer Fun - Won't make it to fall.

Reliable - Don't leave the neighborhood.

Daily Driver - 400 miles a day.

Only Driven Sundays - Sunday is race day.

Engine Rebuilt - Engine degreased to look it.

Doesn’t Smoke - No oil to burn, or 90wt oil.

Trans. Rebuilt - Fine sawdust used to make it quiet.

4 Speed Gearbox - 5th gear is dead.

Hurry, Won't Last - Neither will car.

New Tires - Retreads years ago.

Well Maintained - Oil changed every other leap year.

Drives Like a Dream - Nightmare.

Car Cover - To help keep out rats.

Always Garaged - Embarrassed to leave it outside.

Family Owned - Driven by 6 teenagers.

Fully Restored - Nothing original.

Smog Exempt - DMV doesn't think so.

Tags Till Next Year - Stolen year sticker.

Moving, Must Sell - Off to jail, need bail money.

Must Sell - Before it blows up.

Runs Fine - I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last minute attack of conscience.

Needs Some Body Work - Was side-swiped by a Winnebago.

Well Maintanied -I occasionally change the oil.

Looks Like New - Just don't try to drive it anywhere.

All Original - I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.

Loaded With Options - Each one more troublesome than the last.

Never Smoked In - Unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.

Project Car - I can't figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either.

Lots of Potential - To drive you insane.

Needs Minor Repair - Doesn't run.

Engine Quiet - Uses 90-weight oil

Parts Car - Beyond repair.

Rough Condition - Too bad to lie about.

Immaculate - Recently washed.

Concours - Recently waxed.

Needs Minor Overhaul - Needs engine.

Needs Major Overhaul - Phone the junkyard.

Burns No Oil - It all leaks out.

Rebuilt Engine - Cleaned the spark plugs.

Drive It Anywhere - I live on a hill.

Drive It Anywhere - Within 10 miles.

Desireable Classic - No one wants it.

Rare Classic - No one wanted it even when it was new.

Stored 20 Years - In a farmer's field.

Ran When Stored - Won't start.

Never Apart - Bolts too rounded to loosen.

Solid As A Rock - Rusted solid

Restored With 0 Miles - Won't start.

Restored With 2 Miles - Won't stay running.

Older Restoration - First owner washed it.

Good Investment - Can't be worth much less.

No Time To Restore It - Can't obtain parts.

95% Complete - Other 5% doesn't exist.

Clean - Homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows.

Good Transportation - It's ugly as sin.

Engine Blueprinted - I don't know what it means either.

Exellent Gas Mileage - It's slow.

Low Miles - The odometer was turned back.

One Owner - Can't give it away.

Sure to Appreciate - That's why I'm selling it.

..Or Best Offer - I'm guessing here.

Faster Than A 'Vette - A Chevette.

AND THE BEST ONE OF ALL FOR CLASSIC CAR COLLECTORS

Other Interests Conflict - Spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #!!@&## thing goes or I do!"