[Aliska]

Thank you. I will remember your post - and him. That's what I will do. I found all about him on rootsweb, he died March 17, 1989 in Plumas County, CA, never heard of that county. He had a ranch in Sonoma County when we rented from him. That's where his wife died in 1975. There was one surviving sibling of the daughter, didn't know much about the family.

I have a poor friend on welfare of one sort or another all her life, and I bought her a box of mint meltaways for Christmas a couple years back just before they announced that Fannie May was moving production to Mexico. I don't know if she ever had a box of nice candy in her life or which ones she would like the best, had a terrible time deciding there at the mall.

But that isn't enough. I'll remember what you said. There is another grave somewhere in Los Angeles, CA I'd like to honor that person, too, maybe they could have been cremated though. I did an ornery thing to her when I was about nine, and I just couldn't shake the guilt of it for most of my life. I tried to make it up to her in my childish way by taking her valentines to her house when she was sick and couldn't come to school. She is all but forgotten except for the CA death index, and I found a completed auction on ebay with an old magazine article about her.

A few other things I can more easily forgive myself for. A couple things would be considered a lot worse in the hierarchy of sins, but there are about probably 7 no 10, it keeps getting bigger! things most people might not think that awful if I could only have another chance . . .well in a way I have, but not the same people.

Well, I've been hurt badly, too, so maybe I paid my dues and then some.

You sound like a very kind person.

[oneamericanvoice]

You are welcome. Remember those words when you start beating yourself up. There are things that everyone, not just you, has done that we now regret. That is life. But while we can't undo what we have done, we can learn and do better, like the lesson you had with your school mate.

If you think of the things that you have done in the context of the things that you haven't, you will find that you aren't the bad person believe yourself to be. Positiveness is really important. The next time you go to the mall, sit and look at all the people, and know that each of them has done something that they wish they hadn't. Yet they go on. You've paid your dues and then some. So start living today.

You don't sound like a bad person to me. Afterall, you did take the box of chocolates to your poor friend. That is a big clue.

I try to be a kind person. Thank you for the compliment. I'm glad to help. Be well. Take care. Enjoy life!