I've got a Mossberg 500 with a synthetic stock. I haven't really noticed any substantial recoil with it, but felt recoil is as much subjective as it is a function of the gun's weight and the load you're using.
I haven't fired any magnum loads through it, though. If you're using magnum loads or 00 buckshot, that's way too powerful for home defense. The shot will rip right through drywall and hollow doors and have plenty of velocity left over to kill anyone in the pattern behind your target. A regular 2-3/4 inch shell with #4 buckshot is plenty powerful enough to take out any bad guy, and overpenetration is greatly reduced. And at typical home defense ranges, the pattern won't be much bigger than a couple of inches, even with a short cylinder bore barrel.
#4 buckshot is pretty cool and handy for home defense for ALL the reasons you stated.
I would add that #1 buckshot is superior. Not likely to overpenetrate and has more pellets. Guaranteed results.
Yours truly,
The Woim
P.S. - You guys all stop hating on Mossburg! Poor people deserve a good handy cheap shotgun!