Someone like you is upset if not allowed to check out your husband's books. On the other hand, someone else would be understandably upset if they requested books on, say, divorce, abuse or some other touchy subject and the library handed those books to her husband or someone else in her household without her consent. Maybe these were books she was using to research something privately, that she didn't want her husband to know about. The point is, she has a right to expect that books reserved under her card are meant for her alone. That's a reasonable assumption.
You sound exactly like the snotty librarian who wouldn't allow me to check out my husband's W.E.B. Griffin books, and wouldn't allow him to check out my Nora Roberts books. What library did you say you work in?
You should look into getting a family card that has both of your names on it. You surely wouldn't expect your husband to withdraw money from a bank account that was set up only in your name. If you want dual privileges it must be set up that way.
Wow, you must be really sensitive if you thought my explanation was "snotty".