1. Does it resemble SF in re it's a war zone? If yes, then life is okay there.
2. Is Gay Marriage on the public dockett? If no, send in Barney Frank.
3. How much do they hate Bush. If Maliki doesn't like him, then he's our guy!
4. How many women are there in the room, when we meet, and are they in servile or worshipped positions?
5. If Maliki shows me the soles of his shoes, it shows he's done some centering personal growth and is becoming multi-cultural. If feet remain on the ground, it means he's pro US Troops. Bad. Very bad.
6. What are his views on Universal Healthcare coverage including transgender surgery and cosmetic "assistance". Would he include terrorists and insurgents into the U-Healthcare Plan (maybe get their retinal scans and fingertips replaced at taxpayer cost as a gesture of "forgiveness").
7. Does he hate the Jews. (Use girly techniques to find this out.)
8. Suggest he come visit San Francisco where we too don't obey laws we don't like. This will foster "acceptance and tolerance" in him.
9. Ask him what he thinks of my first 100 days in comparison to his own. If he is impressed with my first 100 days, then we can do business.
10. Ask him his views on the "good neighbor" policy in re Iran. Remind him that the personal is political, and that the Iran leader is in fact the 13th Imam (aka: The second coming). It may be in his best interest to just "get along" with Iran.
11. Suggest he hold off on any oil talks with the Bushies, because Bush is also talking to Chavez (Bush is such a *backstabber!*).
12. Make sure Murtha and Maliki get time alone so Maliki can get the *real* truth about the US troops, and the real point we are here to expose the lies.
13. Suggest I could better help his country if he does a media blitz thing among the media and with all free Iraqi women saying they too wanna be just like that wonderful and beautiful Nancy Pelosi one day!
Double Latte please....