Posted on 01/19/2007 11:56:40 AM PST by keats5
The media is beside itself trying to understand why Shawn Hornbeck, the youngster kidnapped four-and-a-half years ago, remained a captive despite being on his own much of the time.
All the would-be psychologists on TV and in the press have been speculating wildly, coming up with a myriad of reasons such as a case of the Stockholm syndrome, for example, as to why the youngster did not flee his alleged captivity when he had many opportunities to get away from his alleged kidnapper.
None of these people know what they are talking about. They don’t have the vaguest idea of what goes on in the mind of a young boy who has been sexually abused by an adult, as I assume was the case with Shawn.
I do. Only those who have had that horrific experience can understand what undoubtedly happened to Shawn Hornbeck, and I’m one of them.
When I was eight years old I was sexually abused by a man who ran an after-school day camp. And after that first molestation, I was literally blackmailed into silence by him, making it possible for him to continue to molest me for a year without fear of being exposed.
People who wonder why child victims of sexual abuse remain silent about their experiences have to understand that after that first episode the molester takes ownership of the youngster for a variety of reasons including shame and threats to tell his parents their child is a sexual deviant.
In my case the reason why I didn’t run away although this man was molesting me for a year was simply this: he owned me.
As I wrote in my book, “Twice Adopted,” which I urge parents to buy and read carefully for their children’s sake (you can get it at Amazon.com), “It doesn’t matter if you are molested once or a thousand times; it’s the first incident that does the damage. That first act solidifies the molester’s ownership of you.”
Although I have no way of knowing if Shawn allowed himself to be photographed in a compromising situation as I was, if that was the case with him the molester’s ownership was solidly confirmed.
I allowed my abuser to take nude photos of me much against my will. He used those photos to blackmail me into silence by threatening to show them to my mother. That thought terrorized me. And it was enough to keep me silent.
I thought that if my mother saw those pictures she would know that I was what I then believed myself to be -- evil. Another hold a molester has over his victim, you see, is his understanding that his victims come to believe that the molestation is their fault, and their deep shame and guilt ensures their silence.
A lot of people who are now speculating about the reason Shawn Hornbeck failed to flee are implying that he could have escaped countless times. They do not understand that his captivity did not involve being physically shackled and chained, but instead he was mentally imprisoned by fear of the exposure of his shame. He would have seen himself not as an innocent victim of sexual molestation, but as his molester’s partner in it.
That feeling of partnership grows out of the victim’s belief that even if they consider that the first sexual act was the abuser’s fault, they share the blame for all the subsequent acts.
And if there were photographs, as there were in my case, the threat of his parents ever seeing them and believing their son was the real guilty party is terrifying.
From my own experience, I know that it’s easier to put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger than it is to tell your mother or your father what some man has done to you.
My advice to all the amateur psychologists telling us what happened to Shawn is to just plain shut up. If you haven’t been there, yourself, you don’t know what you are talking about. Leave the kid alone, he’s been through enough grief.
Mr. Reagan is a syndicated radio talk-show host, author of "Twice Adopted" (Broadman & Holman Publishers) and "The City on a Hill,"and the son of former President Ronald Reagan.
UNreal!
You said -- "I had a pretty messed up childhood and yes, that's probably what I would have done."
Then that speaks to *your case* as a "hardened individual" at that stage in your life -- as opposed to an innocent and young boy, not hardened and not ever before faced with a depraved situation.
So, I don't know if I would recommend turning kids into "hardened and calloused" inviduals, as a method of dealing with predators...
Regards,
Star Traveler
You said -- "You very good at making assumptions."
And you are equally good at making "calloused" statements, it appears (especially after reading what Michael Reagan has to say about it).
Furthermore, what you say about this -- "Of course, the PC mentality won't allow for such training because it might *offend* someone or hurt their feelings." -- makes no sense.
That kind of training is done in the home or at the parents' choice, so what does PC mentality have to do with preventing parents from training kids in their own homes according to their beliefs, have to do with it?
It might have something to do with "PC parents" [and their kids] -- but *not* with parents who choose to do so on their own.
Regards,
Star Traveler
P.S. -- Also, parents who are followers of Jesus Christ and teach their kids the ways of the Bible, will be very well aware of the sin and evil that is in the world. That's the *main prerequisite* for coming to faith in Christ, that one *recognizes* this *universal and sinful condition* of every last single person in the world, including you and me -- and that this is the reason for the need of a Savior, through whom God says that there is no other way, except through Jesus for salvation.
The ones who dismiss the teachings of the Bible are the ones likely to be PC and thus believe in some "inherent good" in people (and that means it applies to *anyone*, no matter how good they appear).
I take it, by your recognitiion of EVIL in the world, that you know that this comes from the utter depravity that is inherent in the sin condition (which is stated in the Bible) of every last single person in the world, whether it be that "perp" who took the boy, or the parents themselves, or even the police who arrested him.
Big talk if you haven't BEEN THERE.
"Big talk if you haven't BEEN THERE."
If more people thought like I do, child preditors might think twice. Teach your children well.
as a matter of fact, my then-12 year old "knee'd" the class bully during a PE class, making it look like an accident .. said bully never went near him again ;)
Good for your son! Did you teach him that move?
nope, (tho I DID pay for his karate classes).
I never even heard about it for years, and then not even from him! Kid took care of his own business, still does.
"You very good at making assumptions."
It's interesting that you would protest someone else's assumption of you and your childhood, and yet you seem free to make assumptions of Michael Reagan and Shawn Hornbeck.
It disturbs me a whole lot to see FReepers who, no matter the circumstance, always blame the victim. I think it reveals their underlying fear that the same thing could happen to them or their loved one, and so they come up with all these things that they do differently or would do differently than they think the victim did, to try to reassure themselves that this could never happen to them.
Reality is this: bad things happen to good people. Yes, we can learn from others' situations and make preparations and take precautions, but we no one can ever be prepared for every possible bad thing that could happen to them or to a loved one.
Amen! Thank you Mr. Reagen, these words of wisdom were needed. Maybe O'Reilly, and others of his mindset, will read this and learn something.
You can't be serious. I am flabberghasted
That is what I think.
What did O'Reilly say?
I don't think not going to school was normal or sleeping all day
You think you know but you don't. Talk is cheap, and "woulda coulda shoulda" is the cheapest of talk there is.
I think that he, like many pundits, need to identify their opinions as such and not as FACT!
M. Reagan can "just shut up". He wants everyone to be a victim just like him. (not a Conservative ideal) That's the whole reason for my comments. The *PC* mentality will make victims of us all.
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