From trophy wife to toxic wife

Telegraph ^ | 16 January 2007

[fr_freak]

This is funny. I don't have any sympathy for the husbands. After all, they married them.

I get the feeling that this story is somewhat fictionalized, but if we assume it's (mostly) true, then here are a couple of key passages you should re-read:

"I should know: many men of my age and acquaintance have become deeply bitter and disappointed about how their wives have changed since they hung up their working wardrobes."

"Can't you just divorce?" I asked.
"Are you kidding?" he replied. "I'd lose everything I've worked for, including my children, and I'd be paying her an indecent amount of money for life."

Men's and women's brains function differently, and some guys are completely incapable of understanding the complexities of the female mind. So, where you might see through the facade that a bimbo puts forth in only a few seconds, these guys cannot see through it AT ALL. Even after they get burned, these guys cannot understand exactly what happened. "She was always so nice, and she said she loved me."

I know a couple of guys who are prime examples of this. One I tried very hard, but failed, to talk out of marriage with a gold-digging b*tch, and the other who has been saved from 1 or 2 disastrous potential marriages, ironically, by the very same lack of understanding of female sensibilities (i.e. "How come you never bring me flowers?" "What - so you can sit them on the table for 2 days and watch them die? What the hell good is that?") that prevented him from seeing that she was a manipulative head case in the first place.

So, if you are going to laugh at these guys for marrying women who managed to portray themselves convincingly as loving companions, my question to you is: Do you also enjoy laughing at the handicapped?

[NotJustAnotherPrettyFace]

And their kids are my pride and joy, I am a young grandma and we camp and fish together, they love me.

I have news for you, honey. Trophy wives do NOT camp and fish. They wouldn't do anything that might mess up their manicures. (seriously...)

[NotJustAnotherPrettyFace]

This story is about the British culture where kids are expected to be packed off to boarding school at the proper age.

[goldstategop]

There's something to be said for having an expensive wife and discovering its more expensive to divorce her. What a Hobson's Choice!

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

[TChad]

Well done.

Thanks for a such a positive post.

[torchthemummy]

I'm sorry but I just gets shades of Jayson Blair when I read this.

"says one husband"
"many men of my age and acquaintance"
"whispered an exhausted husband to me recently"
"said another angry husband"
"added a sympathetic onlooker"
"said irate husband number one"
"adds yet another voice to the growing army of fed-up husbands"
"chipped in husband number two"
"said another unfortunate husband"
"typical day outlined by one husband of a toxic wife"

I cannot prove that this writer didn't talk to these "husbands" but the sheer number of the equally inflicted just smacks of the new "anonymous sources journalism" where even first names aren't listed.

Except for "friend" Olivia. Somehow the writer has known said Olivia for a while and yet seems to have known nothing about her. The writers sharpest commentary is applied to the one source actually named - well first name at least.

There are no doubt women that do fit the profile highlighted here but it just comes across as a writer taking random thoughts, maybe some true tidbits here and there, and creating a composite reality via invented sources.

[peggybac]

I do think the friend in her article is fictitious.

[Petruchio]

Same here. I got divorced in '91 . . . still got cold feet. It is gonna take an exceptional woman for me to do that again.

[Kimmers]

I used to listen to her and I did learn some good things from her. She said some things IMO that were way out of line. I have not listened to her for a long time and I think our local station dropped her.

[Kimmers]

I like that quote....

[DollyCali]

Wow, interesting read. I have a few thoughts. I AM POSITIVE these woman exist.. in US, London & all over God’s creation.

But

A weeeeee little bit of me thinks this is written(with a lot of creative license) with the idea of showing ALL THE MEN OUT THERE how lucky they are to have THEIR woman, with her flaws & NOT a trophy or toxic wife.


I live next door to a snob who thru her hubby’s hard work(based on MY FREE consultation /work for them 30 years ago)+ has achieved financial super comfort. She is a B**ch in the first degree & looks down on anyone who does NOT have servants, shop at Nordstroms or drive a car in 100K+ range

She is not younger & decided to NOT have children to mess up her body. They adopted 2.

There were girls I knew in college who made no secret of fact they intended to marry rich & live the life of leisure. They had no interest in college other than having it their hunting ground. As I had NOTHING in common with them, did not keep contact to know how they are doing

I also know MANY wealthy couples who have a rich(in love & sharing) marriage. I truly believe you must have a SOLID foundation for marriage to be successful. I believe those of the Judeo/Christian who are well grounded & will CENTER their marriage on the principals & teachings of the faith will have a better marriage. Selfishness is NOT the core.. LOVE, CARING, and putting the partner FIRST are.

There are driven men who over years of focus on finances, find they have lost their women to leisure, other men or vice. I think I understand this in part. They much more have a grasp of business & the world of finance than they do understanding the Venus mind? We tend to go where we have a comfort zone. It seems early in ANY marriage ground rules, understandings & commitments need to be made to protect the integrity of the marriage & to insure as much as possible happiness for both. Problem is neither wants to “scare” the others away.


Responding to a few in thread & Pinging the singles.. For those of you NOT scared /paranoid at this point, this article will help you to recommit to the convent or seminary~

I am not cynical ..I feel strongly there is someone GOOD for each of us, we do need however to be giving, humble, grateful & committed to the other person. Big steps & not for sissies!

Singles - ping

[dforest]

LOL, good for you!

[DollyCali]

Our local talk radio show dropped her a few years back & picked un Glenn Beck. He then too was dropped . (this is NE Ohio). They are both available on other stations but I don't get the signals that well

[DollyCali]

oh! You surely don't sound like a trophy wife (with the current definition).

You sound like a younger JEWEL of a woman & wife. You & Mr. girlangler are very lucky to have found each other. May you & all the younguns have many more years of happiness!

[MortMan]

Rich men, I believe, have finally cottoned on to the sinister side of the stay-at-home wife: unless you marry an equal who's going to pay her own way, you will end up with a lazy, indulgent, over-pampered slug. For the transition from trophy wife to toxic wife is as fast as the end result is furious.

My wife is a stay-at-home mom. She works much, MUCH harder than I do... Only she doesn't get a paycheck for her efforts.

Perhaps if these high-flying ultra-successful men married for love and dedication, rather than looks, they'd have found their "match", instead of just a "catch".

[MortMan]

"Vain, boring, indulgent and lazy," adds yet another voice to the growing army of fed-up husbands.

Were they really any different before they were married, or did the shiny packaging make the toy more appealing?

[WKB]

unless you marry an equal who's going to pay her own way, you will end up with a lazy, indulgent, over-pampered slug




Not if you keep her barefoot and pregnant.

[boxerblues]

Okay I'll dive in. At age 47 I have bee a widow for 2 years now, most men that I am meeting that are around my age want nothing to do with me. They are looking for 1 of 2 things

1.) a young wife to flaunt in front of the ex wife i.e the trophy wife
2.) someone who is going to take care of him....women like this used to be called gold diggers. Is there a male counterpart?

That said some of the most interesting and more sure of what they want or don't want in a lifelong companion are 5-15 years younger than me. A trophy wife is not in their future as they have seen first hand what many of these women are like

[DollyCali]

Very true, I find it amusing that when chatting for FIRST time with a man casually the topic of MY financial standing is asked early on (lots of sly ways to do this)

In casually reading the singles ads see the men of 50 wanting woman 18 to 30...

Hope they find her. He will get what he deserves. A daughter...to pamper & spoil.

Are you getting slammed in snow belt? we are okay so far. I have a meeting tonight & need to walk dogs sometime today but otherwise will stay in & CLEAN (the maid didn't show up)

ha~

[boxerblues]

The snow has stopped for now. Naturally it only snowed hard on the drive in to work.

At least you are getting asked in subtle ways, being a widow they assume I was left with dripping gobs of insurance money and other goodies. I think I have met almost every dirt bag con artist in the county