[Graymatter]

Dr. Grossman quotes a neuropsychologist who described the effect of oxytocin (the attachment hormone that produces bonding and trust): "You first meet him and he is passable. The second time you go out with him, he's OK. The third time you go out with him, you have sex. And from that point on you can't imagine what life would be like without him."

I'm having some real difficulties understanding this. First of all, if it comes to a third base, he's more of a player than you've weeded out at first and second, which is the vast majority of men. So it's not as if you see a man three times and then suddenly are addicted to him by some glandular chemical.

Moreover, what does oxytocin have to do with anything? I don't recall bonding with my obstetrician over a tall draft of oxytocin. On the contrary.

How do men bond without tides of oxytocin washing through their bodies?

[Mrs. Don-o]

First of all, oxytocin, like other hormones, doesn't force behavior: it triggers and supports it. It's like that complex of brain anatomy and chemistry known as "instinct": in animals, it functions as a command. In humans, it functions as a suggestion.

Secondly, males have oxytocin, too. (Just as females have testosterone.) Just in different amounts and different ratios.

Third, many women DO bond with their obstetricians. It is a well-known professional risk. It's one reason why many male OB/GYN's make sure there is always a female health professional/colleague around, so that they're not constantly alone in small rooms with sexually exposed and emotionally tenderized women patients.