You sound like you've done real well. I congratulate you.
Now, while you agree that spanking isn't abuse, your whole implication seems to be that it should never be done. Which sort of contradicts your statements that it's OK.
I'm saying, as you have seen, that it should be READY TO USE, included in the arsenal, as an option. It was not used on me frequently (which IS abusive, if you ask me - those who say they got tannings all the time), indeed, hardly ever at all. I am absolutely convinced it DOES work, especially for those who are stronger willed than some seem to be (and there ARE natural innate personality differences - it is NOT all training).
All this stuff can be used, but I don't think anyone should be afraid to pull out the big guns.
BTW, I had major enrichment, too. Dad is an engineer (as am I) and mom was a History nut (as is Dad), a teacher in that as well as math and English. Although I was allowed to have Atari - twice for Christmas, 1 after we were robbed. (Mom loved Space Invaders.) However we not only had (some) items, we went on vacations to battlefields and natural sites and the like. No beach for me. I still don't care for beaches as boring - nothing much to do or to see, even the scenery is dull and mind-numbing. I'd much rather go someplace meaningful and/or where activity is, not sitting around (although I do like being lazy alot!)!
Dear the OlLine Rebel,
"You sound like you've done real well. I congratulate you."
Thanks.
"Now, while you agree that spanking isn't abuse, your whole implication seems to be that it should never be done. Which sort of contradicts your statements that it's OK."
Not quite. I'd say, it shouldn't be done if it's not necessary.
And my view is that whether it's necessary will vary from family to family.
It IS an open question in my mind as to how often it's necessary. I wonder whether perhaps the necessity of spanking has more to do with particular parents, usually, or with particular children.
Here's what I mean. We didn't have children until we were well into our 30s. By the time our first guy was born, I'd been around the block a couple of times. I was already kinda mellowed out, and also already had nearly 10 years experience of running my own business, and learning how to deal with unruly... employees.
I'd learned to distinguish between where discipline is really needed, and where I'm just enforcing my idiosyncratic personal preferences. I'd learned to motivate human beings through positive means. By the time I had my first son, I had a lot more self-confidence than when I was 25. I was also a lot less rigid about a lot of stuff.
By the time I got to be a dad, I'd become a rather imposing person. Folks often do what I tell 'em just because I tell 'em.
If we'd have had kids when I was, say, 25, I'm not sure I'd have been able to get by without an occasional swat on the butt.
But that's about me, not about my kids.
"I'm saying, as you have seen, that it should be READY TO USE, included in the arsenal, as an option."
I don't have a problem with that at all. In fact, read closely what I've written. My efforts were to see if I could forgo the use of spanking, I never foreswore it.
What I said to myself, and my wife, was, "Let's see if we can do this without hitting. If it doesn't work, we can always give 'em a swat on the butt."
But, I just never have had to do it.
However, this tells me that the methods and techniques that I used, which entirely avoided any sort of hitting, were highly effective and successful. You have posted that they aren't.
"I am absolutely convinced it DOES work,..."
I'm not convinced that there are many children who need to be even occasionally spanked, hit, slapped, or smacked. I think it has to do more with the parenting ability of the parent. The greater the skills, the less likely that spanking will be needed.
My hunch (only my hunch) is that it is a subpar disciplinary technique, although one on which some parents may need to rely because, well, it's what they've got.
I think it's easier to get discipline right with spanking, but I think it may be more effective if you can do it right without.
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