Posted on 01/09/2007 12:21:16 PM PST by Paddlefish
Time-outs are an ineffective form of discipline, especially with young children. They need something immediate and unpleasant. Being sent to a bedroom full of toys or being put into a corner for five minutes is not unpleasant. And if the only consequence that the child suffers for leaving the time-out area is to be taken back to it, that quickly turns into a game that takes up the parent's time without teaching the child anything.
Yes. She was strong-willed, but I kept after her. She was polite to other people; she saved her ire for me when we got home. By contrast, I had to often keep her from the other neighborhood kids who were allowed to run wild. I once caught one boy trying to break her wrist while playing. His mom used to listen to the police scanner and tell her boys when they were coming.
You're right. It's very hard to be a single parent. And your daughter is at a tough age. By the time my daughter was 13, I was married. And I had the added advantage that after at least 10 years of the terrible twos, her worst was over. She actually settled down to be a decent teen-ager. Just stay loving, tough and consistent and remember that it often takes years to see the results. Teens need lots of boundaries--careful, thoughtful ones--although most of them would rather die than admit that if they realize it at all. I also tried to negotiate on issues that weren't as important and that gave her the impression that I was reasonable. I tried to be, but wasn't always. Hange in there, you've got a difficult task!
When I see a kid acting hellish, I've taken to commenting to those around me, "Geez, it's a shame Mom there doesn't believe in discipline, isn't it?"
Those around me almost always agree audibly. Mom tends to glower, but it's not like she was gonna discipline the kid until I spoke up.
Reminds me of a few weeks back - my afternoon talk show was discussing how best to combat the rising crime here in Houston, and one listener suggested a billboard that says, "If your mama don't raise ya, the police is gonna Tase ya!"
I almost ran off the road laughing.
My parents referred to it as Choices and Consequences.
When we were old enough to understand English, they would say, "You know you're not supposed to do X. You can knock it off right now and everything will be fine, or you can keep doing it, and get punishment Y."
As the oldest, I felt it my duty to test them. I tested away. I ALWAYS got punishment Y.
Consistency is key to Choices and Consequences. The parents must always follow through on what they threaten. (Good reason not to make your threats too outlandish.)
My mother was known to spank us in public on a few occasions, but most of the time she'd just threaten us with "going to the car."
We knew punishment awaited at the car. It was a big car with ample spanking room.
When I hear "~~~~ blah blah blah~~~~~~~OK?", I want to scream! What's with that 'OK'? Drives me batty! It is NOT ----"time to pick up your toys, OK?"!! It is -----"Time to pick up your toys!" (NOW!)
Our 4 kids had plenty of discipline and also love. They turned out great. Now I look at them and their kids and only one has problems with his own 3 boys. Why? DDIL believes in the psychology of permissiveness, and their kids show it. No discipline. She is beginning to see what is happening, and is starting to correct it, but it should have started when they first had awareness.
I haven't seen a review of that new book, on child discipline, entitled "NO" yet, but already I like it!
LOL!
I totally agree; a raised voice is important in urgent situations, like running out from between parked cars or avoiding a sharp object, etc. By "yelling", I was referring to parents who simply shout to vent their own frustrations, without any idea how ineffectual this makes them look and sound from the child's point of view.
I don't believe the post meant that for everyone. I think he or she was referring to the large percentage of parents who are having difficulty disciplining their kids, as the article points out. Many of the parents of the 40s through 60s used the permissive Dr. Spock book, and in the 60s & 70s it was even worse, with a book called "Summerhill" that not only recommended no discipline, but also to allow children to roam freely with no formal instruction, just believing they would learn enough by "exploring" whatever they wanted to. It's hard to believe this lunacy, but you have only to look around you in the grocery store or a restaurant to see the results.
Yes, the lefties' quest to remove the stain of illegitimacy from children was a worthy thing; but now we need to reapply it to illegitimate parents, unprepared parents, unwilling parents and uneducated (in parenting) parents.
Bingo, and bingo!
Bingo, and bingo!
...and if you haven't gotten your child to behave by age 5 or 6, at least not like the wild animals like I see everywhere, that child is in for a tough 40 years until peers and bosses at work get a shot at staightening out the parents failings. Age 8 is too, too late for easy parenting from that point on. So goes my 3 kids, now adults, on the easy side for me.
I'm not sure that I agree with this statement.
It depends on the teen and the situation.
I don't think it is appropriate to spank a teenager. In fact, while I know many people who believe that it is sometimes necessary to spank small children, I don't know anyone who thinks it is okay to spank a teen.
You want the government to raise children, rather than their natural parents?
you know one now that thinks it can be OK to spank a teen depending on the teen and the situation.
I never had to spank mine after they got into their teens, although I came close a couple of times. But I really think that the reason I didn't have to was the "discipline" they recieved when they were younger,
Both of them have told me seperately that they knew they were OK as long as I was yelling at them. They got worried when my voice got soft and deep.
Teens are another thing all together! My four kids were all a year apart, so there were 4 in their teens -- all at once. I really never had any problem with them, and any little infractions were dealt with at once.
But funny thing. One day, at dinner time, when I was busy in the kitchen #1 son was annoying me about something and he wouldn't stop. I told him to get out of the kitchen. He did -- but he put his foot in, just to annoy me. I'd had it! So I went up to him and said something like --- "Of all your friends, of all the kids in the band with you, or on the wrestling team with you -- of all of them or of all the friends you have in the entire world -- how many of them would give up their life for you? Only two people in the whole world would do that, -- your mother and father!!! And look how you are treating your mother!!!" Guilt! It worked!! HeeHee. He stopped immediately and it must have hit him somehow as he never did the annoying stuff again. BTW -- He has made us proud with his life choices and is an upstanding kind of guy.
Not at all. I want society to put the shame back on people who are so careless about their children that they do not prepare for them and do not care for them once they are here. I am sick of the political correctness over "anyone can be a parent."
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