My daughter is married to a bum. I cannot afford to support them. She works 3 days a week. I and my wife watch the 2 year old terror. Luckily I was allowed to retire early. Still I wish that she would leave the bum and move back in with us!
It's good that you recognize the bum at least. Sometimes "family" will take advantage of soft relatives who might be naive.
I'm sure you only want to help your daughter out, it's just a shame that the bum gets to benefit.
I have to say that I agree with you and also sympathize with you. I have been there, doing that now. Our daughter was in a similar situation and I was the primary caretaker of her twins until they were 3 then they went to an excellent pre-school, part-time. They are now 1st graders and doing pretty well.
My daughter and the twins moved in with us about 18 months ago and she filed for divorce. We are all glad that she is divorced and she is finally healing from the abuse she suffered from her insane husband. Her boys always considered our house their house, too, so it wasn't much of an adjustment FOR THEM. We love having them here and will be devastated if/when my daughter gets her own place.
That being said, let me assure you that it is extremely difficult adjusting to having a grown daughter and 2 children move in with you on a permanent basis. Sometimes it is pure delight and other times it seems like pure Hell.
My daughter is working part-time in a low paying job in order to be with her sons as much as possible. My husband and I both encouraged her to do this even though this causes us to sacrifice money for our retirement. We feel like the welfare of our daughter and grandchildren are the most important thing right now. We can only keep this up a few more years or our retirement will not be as comfortable as we had expected.
So be careful what you wish for.
P.S. I would still take them in a thousand times over rather than have her stay with that monster she married.