Posted on 12/24/2006 8:40:08 AM PST by raccoonradio
Suzanne Magaziner, she of the broomed OUI case, surely sends out an annual Christmas - excuse me, ‘holiday’ - letter every year. It’s such a Beautiful Person thing to do.
Imagine how this year’s edition might begin. Not for Mrs. Ira Magaziner the traditional cliche about how the year has “flown by” or “Where does the time go?” No, I see her employing yet another tired but slightly literary cliche:
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Our hero, Deval, prevailed. But I, a graduate of Harvard Law School, was pulled over after a mere deux glasses of Chardonnay by a jackbooted state trooper with the low-rent blue-collar name of McKenna.”
OK, sure, most yuppie cards don’t go in for the personal bad news, but more and more nothing is left unsaid, even if it should be. I collect these cards every year, and in this 2006 edition, many of the old themes recur, such as the monthly recitation of boring events (“March: ate corned beef and cabbage”).
The extremely talented writers are all on the boards of “nonprofits,” they have solo art exhibits, they belong to “reformed” churches and they volunteer at the homeless kitchen. Did I mention most of them are rolling in cash?
“On May 1,” Cindy and Todd report, “we began provisioning our 45-foot motor yacht ‘Mistress’ for an extended cruise.”
Only 45 feet? You pikers! Or should that be “You pikers!!!!” Because no yuppie Christmas-card writer would ever use one exclamation point when three more might suffice. None of this crowd ever skis at Mount Wachusett. Oh no, they’re jetting off to Jackson or Vail. If they get a condo, it always has an ocean view, not to mention “three balconies overlooking the Pacific Ocean.”
As Lorraine put it, “We started the New Year in Buenos Aires watching a fantastic fireworks display.” Their kids all go to Montessori schools, until it’s time to become straight-A students.
Here’s one from Chris: “Izzy was placed in an excelorated (sic) classroom.” In a related development, Haley is running “her personal best almost every race.” Luke got into Dartmouth!!!! Tracy was inducted into the Alpha Lambda Delta National Freshman Society.”
One noticeable trend this year: Obama-mania. Watch out Hillary!!!! As Helene put it, “We are still mired in an unjust war but there is hope.” Writing from the Buckeye State, Julia is enthralled by the rout of “the Ohio Taliban.” An 84-year-old lady who says she’s for “Duval Patick” adds, “I don’t despair for I just finished reading Barack Obama’s autobiography and I think I have found someone I can identify with.”
From Michigan, a couple of GM yuppies report that 21-year-old Andrew actually met the Savior, I mean senator, at a rally in Illinois, “getting to shake his hand twice and adjust the mike.”
The Ivy League - gotta mention it, even if you’re just married to an alum:
“We rented the beachfront home of one of Dick’s Princeton classmates. In October, one of Dick’s Princeton classmates flew us down to the Princeton/Harvard game in his corporate jet.”
But here’s the best one of the year. As with all the above quotes, everything is verbatim. Anne wanted everyone to know she and Bob are no longer a couple:
“About six years ago, Bob had some major problems which included him getting involved with much younger women. The problem reoccurred a few years later. This obviously had a serious effect on our personal relationship.” Now she’s getting married yet again, “changing my name for the very last time.” Or at least until the next Christmas - make that ‘holiday’ - season.
In the words of Jimmy From Saugus, formerly Jimmy from Revere:
We wish you a Howie Christmas
We wish you a Howie Christmas
We wish you a Howie Christmas
And a SANDY New Year!
Didn't yuppies become extinct about 15 years ago?
Ooh, please put me on the ping list! My husband and I listen to Howie online from down in Atlanta and we love his columns too.
This week on the Howie Carr show: Monday, best of.
Tue-Friday guest host Avi Nelson. Longtime Boston radio
and TV personality; ran for Senate; started Ch 62 up in
Lawrence, etc.
A clip from August of 1994 (hope I got the year right):
WHDH AM 850 was getting rid of its longtime call letters
(the station that gave you Bob and Ray, Jess Cain,
Curt Gowdy & the Red Sox, and more...); they were becoming
WEEI which was moving its sports talk from AM 590 to 850.
A couple WHDH talk hosts would be moving to WRKO AM 680:
Rush Limbaugh and...Howie Carr.
So the board operator commemorated this occasion by
playing...a toilet flush.
http://microfurry.250free.com/WHDHflush1.mp3
Just before the change, Howie was selling off WHDH
mementos like plaques to newsmen, etc., that were
somehow left behind. Not sure who got the money.
Done! Be aware there may not necessarily be pings this week as Howie is off in Florida...prob. no columns for the next week either. But putting you on the list!
I love Christmas letters that concentrate on the kiddies. I love to hear the little things about them.
Parents should be one paragraph collectively.
As usual this year we got the dreaded Yuppie "Me!!!!!!!!!!!" letter from one of my hubby's friends. A full page, in a size two font about "ME!!!" I had to hunt for my glasses to even start on it.
And trust me, if you think I am interest in the carnival you went to in June, get over yourself.
Funny article! I only get Christmas letters from people I'm interested in :-).
And as a side note, I still write every single one individually, by hand, based on what the recipient hasn't heard yet.
I guess I shouldn't send you a Christmas letter filled with what yard work we've done, then...
Oh well, I haven't sent a Christmas letter in years - when, in response to all the ones talking about how great folks are doing, I sent one about how our kids were failing in school, we were destitute, etc.
Vlad has six teeth, Anoreth went to Drivers' Ed., and Patrick has programmed James to respond to his commands.
>>I sent one about how our kids were failing in school, we were destitute, etc.<<
Oh that's a good one!
>>Vlad has six teeth, Anoreth went to Drivers' Ed., and Patrick has programmed James to respond to his commands.<<
Now that's what a Christmas letter should be about!
How is James liking his new role?
Not too well. He knocks Pat down and stomps on him occasionally - after first doing whatever Pat told him to do. "You're going to give me your milk, James. Say yes." "Yes, Pat." (Wham!) Pat pushed him down the stairs once, but fortunately he bounced.
Avi Nelson...talk about a blast from the past.
I read once that WHDH was originally set up for communications with the fishing fleet.
"Our 18-year-old daughter has blackmailed our 12-year-old son into being her personal servant. We laugh and wonder whose car he stole."
Aren't the Magaziners Jewish?
Yuppie- now there's a word I haven't heard in quite some time lol
It's probably apocryphal, but the legend is that the station was "licensed" to Gloucester in the 30s and the call letters stood for We Haul Dead Haddock...
What I get is a "Christmas Card stuffer" from a friend of
mine in California. Double sided, computer printed, and
filled with brief summaries of his travels, hobbies,
and the courtship of his fiancee (they'll marry, someday...)
Not really a yuppie thing at all...more just a middle-class
guy working for the transit authority who enjoys baseball,
travel, Jean "Christmas Story" Shepard, radio, etc.
>>but fortunately he bounced.<<
God Love them, kids do that, thankfully.
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