You are a fair weather Conservative, and pretty much subject to weak liberal knee jerk reactions, and maybe you don't deserve to be a Republican.
It is worse today than at almost any other time in history. The GOP is controlled top to middle by liberal, big government ideologues and with no apparent Reagan/Goldwater type leader to lead a resurgence of the conservative wing. I believe it is time to either retake the party or move on. You don't have to form a new party or join a third party. For a start, just withhold donations and vote for only conservatives.