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Childless: Some by Chance, Some by Choice
The Washington Post ^ | 11/28/06 | Nancy Rome

Posted on 11/28/2006 10:11:14 AM PST by steve-b

No, no, sorry. I don't have any . . ."

Why does this always seem to be the first thing I'm asked? It takes my breath away, yet why do I feel the need to apologize for my reply? Looking vague and embarrassed, my questioner glances over my shoulder for someone else to talk to: someone with whom he or she has more in common, someone with children....

Just as some women talk of a visceral urge that propels them to have children, others speak of an equally visceral urge that propels them not to. Laurie, a transplanted southerner who teaches history in New York, began to realize at an early age that she didn't want children, as she watched wealthy mothers in Richmond hire other women to care for their children. "These people compelled to have trophy babies in certain socioeconomic echelons don't want to face the realities of raising a child." She is now infuriated by what she calls "that Mother Right" -- the assumption that everyone will make way for a woman with a stroller or a child in tow....

But almost all the women I've talked with describe feeling acutely aware of what they see as our national obsession with motherhood: "The Bump Watch" hounding Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez; "Celebrity Babies" like the elusive Suri Cruise; and "The Ultimate Hollywood Accessory: A New Baby," popularized by Brangelina. Some use the term "child-free" to differentiate those who choose not to have children from those who had been unable to have them....

(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: child; childfree; childless; children; nancyrome; nokidding; nokids; parent; parenthood; plannedbarrenhood; zpg
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To: steve-b

http://happilychildfree.com/rants/?page_id=79


61 posted on 11/28/2006 10:44:38 AM PST by cyborg (No I don't miss the single life at all.)
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To: RebelBanker

I am so sorry to hear about your little boy. I can't imagine the pain you both suffered through that. Some people just don't realize how painful it is for others to discuss the 'children' topic.

God bless.


62 posted on 11/28/2006 10:45:01 AM PST by arizonarachel (Lord, please let us keep this miracle.)
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To: Gumdrop

This is the second thread in a relatively short period of time that has the general gist that single people or childless people are horrible, selfish people. I'm not sure where that seems to be coming from since even the Bible seems to say that, while those things are Holy and can be wonderful, they're not meant for everyone.


63 posted on 11/28/2006 10:45:04 AM PST by ark_girl
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To: linda_22003
Your premise seems to be that women should have children for the Fatherland.

Besides the obvious fact that you have forfeited any rational argument by comparing your interlocutor to a Nazi, my premise is simple: people are inherently a good thing and, moreover, I personally like them, and I want to see more of them.

64 posted on 11/28/2006 10:46:38 AM PST by wideawake ("The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten." - Calvin Coolidge)
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To: wideawake

Then by all means, produce as many as you wish! :) You are entirely free to make that decision... for yourself.


65 posted on 11/28/2006 10:48:23 AM PST by linda_22003
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To: pa mom
But I see too many kids from larger families just running around with little or no supervision.

I have never seen that, ever.

I'm sure it's possible, but I know plenty of large families and the most noticeable thing about them is that the older siblings take care of the younger siblings and the parents take care of them all.

66 posted on 11/28/2006 10:49:23 AM PST by wideawake ("The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten." - Calvin Coolidge)
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To: television is just wrong

"It's called "What about ME?" Syndrome. It is rampant."

I know toooooo, many people who have this me syndrome.
______________

Quite a few of them are parents, in my humble estimation. The me syndrome impacts many regardless of their parental status.


67 posted on 11/28/2006 10:49:38 AM PST by dmz
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To: ark_girl

I had an aunt who was one of the most loving, warm, giving and friendly people I have ever known. Everyone loved her. And she loved everyone around her.

But she knew she wasn't really prepared for motherhood, because she had married at a later age. I think she could have raised one child well... but I think more than that would have overwhelmed her. She wasn't perfect.

I see why she didn't want to be a mother. And that doesn't make her any less a beautiful person. Not everyone wants to be Mrs. Cleaver. The world takes all kinds.


68 posted on 11/28/2006 10:50:09 AM PST by Pan_Yans Wife
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To: steve-b

Children are expensive from the moment they are conceived. It's very discouraging. Plus you can raise your children perfectly and someone can come along and ruin your hard work.


69 posted on 11/28/2006 10:50:42 AM PST by cyborg (No I don't miss the single life at all.)
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To: steve-b

Children are expensive from the moment they are conceived. It's very discouraging. Plus you can raise your children perfectly and someone can come along and ruin your hard work.


70 posted on 11/28/2006 10:50:45 AM PST by cyborg (No I don't miss the single life at all.)
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To: wideawake

You are fortunate then. But there are definately families out there that are not parenting their large broods.

Big is not always better. Sometimes, not always.


71 posted on 11/28/2006 10:50:50 AM PST by pa mom
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To: linda_22003
You are entirely free to make that decision... for yourself.

Of course.

What no one should be free to do is to murder an unborn child - that's an inherently evil decision.

72 posted on 11/28/2006 10:51:16 AM PST by wideawake ("The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten." - Calvin Coolidge)
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To: arizonarachel
My husband and I have struggled with becoming pregnant, and when someone asks (rudely!): "Why don't you two have children yet?" it makes me want to hurt them.

At a friends baby shower another guest asked me how many children I had (They were all mothers there, baby talking, you know what I mean). My reply was one word: "None".

With a slightly raised voice, enough so others could hear, she began lecturing me about the selfishness of women who do not have children, how they are denying their husbands, denying society, etc.

I let her finish her self righteous rant, then I said something close to: "My husband and I tried for years to have children and were denied that blessing. You should never assume anything. The way you misspoke can be very very hurtful to some women, but I thought it was simply hateful. You owe me an apology"

She did apologize and promised not to judge others the same way in the future

73 posted on 11/28/2006 10:51:18 AM PST by Last Laugh
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To: wideawake

I have never seen that, ever.




Go to any large city, find the low income neighborhood and you'll see it.


74 posted on 11/28/2006 10:51:46 AM PST by durasell (!)
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To: pa mom
large broods

An interestingly dehumanizing and patronizing choice of words.

75 posted on 11/28/2006 10:52:08 AM PST by wideawake ("The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten." - Calvin Coolidge)
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To: steve-b

"She is now infuriated by what she calls "that Mother Right" -- the assumption that everyone will make way for a woman with a stroller or a child in tow...."

If she REALY and TRULY didn't want children, then WHY is she so INFURIATED by a gesture of kindness to a Mom?

Me thinks she is ENVIOUS beyond words and DOES wish she had a child.


76 posted on 11/28/2006 10:52:19 AM PST by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God) .)
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To: steve-b

"She is now infuriated by what she calls "that Mother Right" -- the assumption that everyone will make way for a woman with a stroller or a child in tow...."

If she REALY and TRULY didn't want children, then WHY is she so INFURIATED by a gesture of kindness to a Mom?

Me thinks she is ENVIOUS beyond words and DOES wish she had a child.


77 posted on 11/28/2006 10:52:23 AM PST by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God) .)
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To: Last Laugh

You were far nicer than she deserved.


78 posted on 11/28/2006 10:53:16 AM PST by linda_22003
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To: trisham

She is a bitter over the hill female that is in menopause. She can't have her own kids and HATES others that have them. Her clock stopped ticking so her rage kicks in on what she can't have and THEY HAVE!


79 posted on 11/28/2006 10:53:38 AM PST by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God) .)
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To: cyborg

You nailed it. Children bring joy, but they can also be a stress, and it takes A LOT of vigilance to keep them relatively pure in this culture. If I had more I know the others would spend more time unsupervised and have less of me and hubby; not worth it to me.


80 posted on 11/28/2006 10:54:41 AM PST by pa mom
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