Posted on 11/28/2006 10:11:14 AM PST by steve-b
No, no, sorry. I don't have any . . ."
Why does this always seem to be the first thing I'm asked? It takes my breath away, yet why do I feel the need to apologize for my reply? Looking vague and embarrassed, my questioner glances over my shoulder for someone else to talk to: someone with whom he or she has more in common, someone with children....
Just as some women talk of a visceral urge that propels them to have children, others speak of an equally visceral urge that propels them not to. Laurie, a transplanted southerner who teaches history in New York, began to realize at an early age that she didn't want children, as she watched wealthy mothers in Richmond hire other women to care for their children. "These people compelled to have trophy babies in certain socioeconomic echelons don't want to face the realities of raising a child." She is now infuriated by what she calls "that Mother Right" -- the assumption that everyone will make way for a woman with a stroller or a child in tow....
But almost all the women I've talked with describe feeling acutely aware of what they see as our national obsession with motherhood: "The Bump Watch" hounding Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez; "Celebrity Babies" like the elusive Suri Cruise; and "The Ultimate Hollywood Accessory: A New Baby," popularized by Brangelina. Some use the term "child-free" to differentiate those who choose not to have children from those who had been unable to have them....
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...
FREERIDER ping!
She sounds like she has "issues".
I'm sorry about your personal problems, honey.
I'd say a stillbirth probably causes issues, yes.
ZPG whackos ping.
Quite frankly, we don't want people like this propagating anyway.
Some people are more wrapped up in their own lives to think about caring for another. Why should these people be upset that society values mothers who are willing to raise the next generation of outstanding Americans?
Take it up with Nature, lady. Should people apologize for being mammals now?
It's called "What about ME?" Syndrome. It is rampant.
She's wrong too, there is no "Mother Right".
There's the "Mother Privilege", that the rest of us almost always grant to a mother when we see her struggling along with infants in tow, baby carriage, etc. That's no more a "right" than getting out of the way for somebody carrying an obviously heavy and uncomfortable package, or letting somebody who is obviously old and tired have a seat on the bus. The package guy and the old lady don't have a RIGHT to be deferred to, but civillized people do it, because hey, there but for the grace of God go I (or, in the case of the old lady, whither there est all of us, if we're lucky).
It's not a matter of rights.
It's called "People being nice and compassionate".
Jeez.
She sounds like a selfish twit.
Well sometimes when women (or men) don't want to have children, it's often due to selfish reasons. They'll get fat or they won't be able to spend all of their money on themselves. Meanwhile, birthrates drop. Some countries are beginning to face crisises due to low birthrates.
And you're saying it's not their choice to make?
My husband and I have struggled with becoming pregnant, and when someone asks (rudely!): "Why don't you two have children yet?" it makes me want to hurt them.
She apparently is now obsessively, zealously childless. This seems as empty and dimensionless as the 'designer parents' she decries.
Frankly I might share some of her opinions, but she couches them in such terms that I'm glad I never have to spend time in an elevator with her. It seems to be a lot of estrogen-induced navel gazing.
I'd say so too. However, it's the writer who had the stillbirth.
The "she" referred to above is "Laurie" who decided at an early age that she didn't want children, yet is for some reason infuriated at what she calls "that Mother right".
So, if you don't have children by choice you just don't CARE about taking care of anyone but yourself? Nonsense. I don't have children by choice, and have no regrets. However, I took care of my elderly parents for close to seven years and was able to BECAUSE I didn't have children to take care of. I don't like the tone this woman takes. In my experience, anytime you make a choice about anything in life, and you believe it's the right choice, then why would you be embarrassed if someone questioned you on it? That's one of my issues with Gays. If they're so sure about their choice, why are they so loud in defending it all the time. I never feel like I have to defend my choices. THIS IS AMERICA!
People can be unintentionally cruel. Best of luck to you and your husband.
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