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Childless: Some by Chance, Some by Choice
The Washington Post ^ | 11/28/06 | Nancy Rome

Posted on 11/28/2006 10:11:14 AM PST by steve-b

No, no, sorry. I don't have any . . ."

Why does this always seem to be the first thing I'm asked? It takes my breath away, yet why do I feel the need to apologize for my reply? Looking vague and embarrassed, my questioner glances over my shoulder for someone else to talk to: someone with whom he or she has more in common, someone with children....

Just as some women talk of a visceral urge that propels them to have children, others speak of an equally visceral urge that propels them not to. Laurie, a transplanted southerner who teaches history in New York, began to realize at an early age that she didn't want children, as she watched wealthy mothers in Richmond hire other women to care for their children. "These people compelled to have trophy babies in certain socioeconomic echelons don't want to face the realities of raising a child." She is now infuriated by what she calls "that Mother Right" -- the assumption that everyone will make way for a woman with a stroller or a child in tow....

But almost all the women I've talked with describe feeling acutely aware of what they see as our national obsession with motherhood: "The Bump Watch" hounding Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez; "Celebrity Babies" like the elusive Suri Cruise; and "The Ultimate Hollywood Accessory: A New Baby," popularized by Brangelina. Some use the term "child-free" to differentiate those who choose not to have children from those who had been unable to have them....

(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: child; childfree; childless; children; nancyrome; nokidding; nokids; parent; parenthood; plannedbarrenhood; zpg
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To: pa mom
It's not a given than any of them used contraception either. They could have eschewed natural intercourse altogether.

But there are quite a few women out there who aborted children in their college years and then found themselves unable to have children by the time they were married, in their late 30s and "ready" for kids.

There are a number of different reasons why so many people are childless and abortion is indubitably a prominent member of that group of reasons.

141 posted on 11/28/2006 11:37:49 AM PST by wideawake ("The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten." - Calvin Coolidge)
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To: pa mom

Abortion is birth control.


142 posted on 11/28/2006 11:39:35 AM PST by two134711 ("To take no notice of a violent attack is to strengthen the heart of the enemy.")
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To: CheyennePress
There are selfish twits in this world. Perhaps even some on this thread. There are mentally ill folks who really shouldn't have children. There are Ba'al worshippers who killed their children. There are folks who desperately want to have children, but are unable due to illness, injury, or defect.

Meanwhile, welfare mom who sits at home pumps out 5 or 6.

Our governmnent subsidises bastardy, and discourages responsible parenthood through confiscatory taxation. It is no wonder that we have too much of the former, and too little of the latter.

143 posted on 11/28/2006 11:40:35 AM PST by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilisation is aborting, buggering, and contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: steve-b

I'm 55 and we've never had any kids. I figured I would be just like my parents and I wouldn't wish that on any kid.

It's never been a problem and I don't feel the least bit guilty. I can't count the number of times I've heard this sentence, "I love my kids and am glad I had them, but if I had it to do all over again, I might do what you did."

So I say to all of you parents out there. Thanks for a difficult job well done. If your baby wants to scream at a restaurant, more power to you. I envy your patience and willpower when your teenager takes the car or your daughter goes out on a date.


144 posted on 11/28/2006 11:41:07 AM PST by Poser (Willing to fight for oil)
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To: nmh
She is a bitter over the hill female that is in menopause. She can't have her own kids and HATES others that have them. Her clock stopped ticking so her rage kicks in on what she can't have and THEY HAVE!

***********

She is probably all those things, and it's a shame.

Still, I can't help but feel sorry for her.

145 posted on 11/28/2006 11:44:12 AM PST by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: wideawake

There was a family of 8 kids in front of me at church the other day. It was really a surprise because I haven't seen that large a sibling cohort in quite some time. I don't even see it at church much, and I'm Catholic. And it was pretty obvious they were all by the same parents. It was cool, but kind of like looking at Amish people or something.


146 posted on 11/28/2006 11:44:18 AM PST by ichabod1 (Democracy = Anarchy)
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To: WolfRunnerWoman

(Pointing finger) Anchor babies! Anchor babies! :)


147 posted on 11/28/2006 11:45:16 AM PST by linda_22003
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To: two134711

Some may use abortion for birth control. But I was referring to condoms, the pill and such. Or do you mean that birth control is abortion? I don't get the gist here.


148 posted on 11/28/2006 11:46:31 AM PST by pa mom
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To: ark_girl; luckystarmom

I guess I just don't get out enough! Not invited to work functions, not invited to baby showers ... and nobody in the Wal-mart line asks if I have any children, because I almost always have some of them with me. (And when I don't, an employee will say, "I've never seen you without your children!")


149 posted on 11/28/2006 11:47:47 AM PST by Tax-chick (My remark was stupid, and I'm a slave of the patriarchy. So?)
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To: ichabod1
It's sad that it is that rare. Hopefully my wife and I will be blessed with that many children by the time our family stops growing.

I know several Catholic families like that, one Protestant family like that, and about 20 Jewish families like that (I live near Lakewood, NJ which has America's largest Orthodox yeshiva).

150 posted on 11/28/2006 11:50:01 AM PST by wideawake ("The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten." - Calvin Coolidge)
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To: GovernmentShrinker
It's one thing to ask people IF they have children, but once having learned someone doesn't, to ask WHY is beyond the boundaries of civil discourse. If they get a lecture on blocked tubes, recurrent miscarriage, high FSH, azoospermia, failed IVF cycles, etc., they had it coming (and aren't likely to ask anyone this question ever again).

*************

LOL! Good idea.

151 posted on 11/28/2006 11:54:05 AM PST by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Blue Jays
I dearly love my assorted nieces and nephews and I'm a "favorite" to them...and I just don't wish to have children of my own. The number of people who are rudely inclined to ask why is simply outrageous.

Indeed.

152 posted on 11/28/2006 11:57:46 AM PST by gdani (Save the cheerleader, save the world)
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To: pa mom

Birth control is simply what it is: a method to prevent birth. There are benign methods, such as abstinence and condoms, questionable methods such as hormones and undoubtedly evil methods such as abortion. If you refer to birth control and say "I only meant condoms and pills" then you do not give a complete picture on the many reasons people choose not to have children.


153 posted on 11/28/2006 11:58:04 AM PST by two134711 ("To take no notice of a violent attack is to strengthen the heart of the enemy.")
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To: Campion

One for Mom, and One for Dad, and One for Uncle Sam.


154 posted on 11/28/2006 12:04:31 PM PST by ichabod1 (Democracy = Anarchy)
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To: steve-b

bookmark


155 posted on 11/28/2006 12:08:07 PM PST by GOP Poet
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To: steve-b
national obsession with motherhood

As opposed to a national obsession with death ? Could she have substituted another word for obsession, like maybe fascination or enthrallment or interest? Is it just me, or does it seems like she has a beanpole up her butt?

I'd say this harridan has a few issues, fer sure.

156 posted on 11/28/2006 12:28:22 PM PST by Nonstatist
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To: luckystarmom

>>>There is only one woman that I think negatively of that doesn't have children. A male friend of ours got married to this woman. She doesn't want to work. She doesn't want to have kids. All she does is shop. She also doesn't want her husband doing anything with his friends after work. Talk about selfish. I can't stand her.>>>

That is a whole nother ball o'wax. She is just plain selfish.


157 posted on 11/28/2006 12:30:21 PM PST by Southerngl
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To: steve-b
Couple A: "You two should have kids".

Couple B: "Well you two shouldn't have kids".

158 posted on 11/28/2006 12:34:57 PM PST by Niteranger68 (Big winners of election 2006: Democrats, terrorists, MSM, Hollywood, anti-war protestors, etc.)
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To: luckystarmom
We made different choices, but I respect her for her choices.

I think that is the way it should be.

If a woman can be considered selfish for not having children, I think it would be fair to add those that DO have children for the wrong reasons.

How many women have children because its expected and then resent them? What is right about that?

Why does the name andrea yates come to my mind? Or that girl who drove the car in the lake with her children in it because her "boyfriend" did not want kids?

159 posted on 11/28/2006 12:43:04 PM PST by Last Laugh
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To: linda_22003
If only that were true, but you've seen how free some people feel to make holier-than-thou judgments about other people's decisions on whether to be parents or not, right here on this thread.

Pathetic isn't it?

I have made peace with not having children, too bad there are those that can not leave well enough alone.

160 posted on 11/28/2006 12:44:49 PM PST by Last Laugh
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