Posted on 11/26/2006 5:02:22 AM PST by shrinkermd
....More American women than ever are putting motherhood before matrimony. New data released by the Centers for Disease Control show that nearly four in 10 U.S. babies were born outside of marriage in 2005—a new high. These unwed moms aren't all teens—last year teen pregnancies fell to their lowest levels in 65 years. Some—like 44-year-old Mary Lee MacKichan, who used a gay friend as a sperm donor—are professional, older women who want to have babies before their biological clocks run out, but most are low-income twentysomethings. (Unwed births among 30- to 44-year-olds are up 17 percent since 1991; among those 25 to 29, they're up 30 percent.) And some 40 percent of those moms aren't going it alone—they're cohabiting, at least for a while. That's creating a major shift in what a generation of children are coming to call a family. "Marriage is still alive and well, but it has a lot of competition," says Wellesley College sociologist Rosanna Hertz, author of "Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice."
Ironically, sociologists say, marriage may be on the decline precisely because it has become so idealized. People expect more from marriage than they did a century ago, when it was mainly a practical arrangement to provide financial stability for women and a place to raise children. "Now it's not only love and romance but also self-fulfillment and personal growth," says Pamela Smock, professor of sociology at the University of Michigan. Since there's no longer much of a stigma attached to getting pregnant outside of marriage, many couples have replaced "shotgun weddings" with "shotgun cohabitations
(Excerpt) Read more at msnbc.msn.com ...
Apples and oranges. Why isn't it okay to be either one?
There's a wide range in between, believe it or not.
Other posters are guilty of thinking that life has to be "either/or", and so are you. There's nothing wrong with having a remunerative career, and nothing wrong with cooking well and having a comfortable home.
Don't denigrate a good pot roast; it's a great element in contentment at the end of the day. I often have one simmering away in the crockpot while I'm at work.
Cooking at the end of the day is a good chance to catch up with my husband, enjoy a glass of wine, and decompress. We both work hard and it's relaxing to have a good dinner at the end of the day.
But as for housework, there's no emotional fulfillment in scrubbing toilets and changing beds. Outsource it.
Off topic, but are those crock pots worth it? I've heard both good and bad about them.
On the other hand, don't make the automatic assumption that an over-30 woman has no options. I married at 31, and at that point in my life had no trouble finding the man who was right for me. After twenty years, he is STILL the right man for me. If I had married in my early twenties, I would not be able to say the same thing. :)
"If you're going to marry, either now or in ten years, you and your hubby need to resign yourselves to a period of five years or more where you have only one income, or you shouldn't bother having kids."
You forgot to start your sentence with "In my opinion....". You're making it sound like your way is the Law.
"Worth it"? You can get one for thirty bucks; give it a shot.
Like I said, I've heard good and bad about them in terms of the quality of the food they prepare. Also, being naturally cautious I'm not crazy about the idea of a cooking appliance operating when I'm away or asleep. I'm also very attached to my cast iron dutch oven.
You may like them, but fortunately geeky science nerds usually have nothing but contempt for snobs like you.
I've used them for 25 years and haven't burned the house down once. :) My point was simply that being career oriented doesn't have to mean you don't cook! :)
Oh, and I DO care about the quality of food I prepare. That's why I don't own a microwave oven.
Thanks. And I agree, people who are career oriented certainly can cook. I would actually suggest it as a form of relaxation.
Fresh Direct now has a service that delivers all the ingredients for complete meals along with the recipes. I know one couple that buys five a week, planning out their meals.
well, keep going! the fun is in the practice, right? : )
I hate to re-open what appears to be a dead thread, but your responses have finally provoked me to the point that I am willing to do just that. I currently work with many MBA grads from the schools that you mention, and I can say with impunity that these grads are just about the most ignorant (not stupid) folks that I work with. I am currently employed by a Fortune 5 company that rewards these grads very well.
The problems that they face is that they are so elitist that they think they have no reason to learn the business. They think that their grad degree entitles them to constant promotion, without them having to ever actually learn the business. They are destroying the company that I work for. They are the enemy of success.
Now, I am not stating that you are headed down that path, but your posts sure ring of the same type of elitism. Please consider this as constructive criticism, that is all that I mean by it. My feedback is the same for either the men or women graduates.
In addition, I can tell you that very few of the women that I know from these major programs, with MBA degrees, are happily married. Many of them are miserably single. Yes, they were advanced to high status positions, but they are not truly happy. On the other hand, the men in the same positions are generally happily married and are providing for their spouse. There is a stark difference.
Let me get this straight --
higher degree = bad
ambitious women with higher degrees = very bad
guys with wives = good.
You work for a failing company.
Guy in NY killed at strip joint at 4am night before his wedding. He was the father of a 3 yr. old and 5 yr. old by his intended. Duh!
>I'm sure that for someone who lives in a trailer park or an inner city ghetto, a guy who works as a mechanic is a good catch.<
I'm not married to a mechanic, but I consider the guy (and his wife) who keeps our cars running a friend. Both of them are intelligent, they participate equally in their business, and they're deeply committed to each other. Not only that, they are honest to a fault, and they've NEVER told me a lie about my car's condition, or the cost to fix it.
Your statement above is snotty and elitist. The next time your car breaks down, you better not let the professional that puts you back on the road know what you think of his wife.
/sarc
A parent (mom or dad) should stay at home with the kids when the kids are little because that is what is best for the kids.
There is no 2 ways about it that it is best to have a parent home. A stranger just can't take care of kids as well.
Before you have kids, you should plan on having 1 parent at home. You don't know what will happen once a child is born. You could have twins. Mine were identical and no one can plan for those. You could have a child with problems. Most every family I know has a child that has some level of problems when they are little. Most seem to have lots of ear infections, but others have other problems.
A single parent is definitely a stupid risk. It's one thing if something happens and you become a single parent. I have several friends whose husbands have died and left them as single parents. They are doing the best they can. (They will also tell you it is better to have 2 parents.)
A woman doesn't have to be a stay-at-home mom. However, if anyone has kids they should plan on a parent being at home with the kids when they are little. If they can't do that, then just don't have kids.
I'm 37, and while I would consider marrying a woman who wanted to have a flexible job (say nursing or teaching) that is compatible with child rearing, I'd never consider marrying a woman who had her heart set on climbing the corporate ladder and would end up outsourcing the raising of my kids to a day care center.
This comes not out of the belief that women are second class citizens, but rather that they are first class citizens and deserve my unmitigated efforts to care for, provide for, and cherish them as the treasures they are.
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