I'm an evangelical Christian and our views on end of life are very similar. I'm sorry that there are a few on FR, who seem unable to have an open dialog on difficult end-of-life issues. Instead, they are all to quick to judge you and attribute evil to you and your motives. Real life is just never that simple.
I will pray you dicover the truth sooner than this man.
Luk 16:22 And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried;
Luk 16:23 And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.
Luk 16:24 And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.
Luk 16:25 But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.
Aside from your eternal soul I am sorry life on this earth is so miserable for you.I have learned to value everyday and would never wish pain and suffering on any human being.I hope you find rest for what's troubling you.