I agree with you, blacks should work to eliminate it from their language if they want to stamp out the word. I think most middle class blacks would if they could. Unfortunately, no one has control over language, and good luck dictating the usage of slang in urban neighborhoods, especially where you have MTV and hip-hop to encourage the worst in people.
The double standard is nothing new. When I was a kid in the 60s, I played football with black kids who called each other N 10 times an hour. God forbid if I or any other white kid called any one of them that, though. As I said above, it meant something else TO THEM if I used it, even if I said it innocently, using it the same way they did. Once a person realizes that, understanding what to do is easy.
MTV and BET are both owned by Viacom (same as CBS and Infinity Broadcasting). The corporation persists in negative depictions of black America and encourages socially caustic behavior. "The man" is playing them.
If there is a double standard in word usage, then there is a separation in the way they look at other people. How are we supposed to move beyond skin color if they look at the color of the skin of someone talking as much or more than what he is saying? It leads some black people to reject or shun the successful for "acting white".