Fort program thinks about family

But the war front isn’t thousands of miles away. A big part of a soldiers defensive arsenal is at home, where the family remains.

And like their soldier husbands and wives, stress is an everyday reality for spouses and children.

It’s not the sounds of roadside bombs exploding, mortars rushing overhead or bullets whizzing by that creates stress on the home front.

They have other obstacles. The wives and husbands who stay worry about the safety of their uniformed loved ones In Iraq and elsewhere overseas. They also have the burden of holding a family together.

This weekend, 34 families of deployed soldiers from the 86th Signal Battalion on Fort Huachuca met in what is believed to be the first-of-a-kind family workshop dedicated to helping spouses and children.

While the Army has family readiness groups, additionally ways to help alleviate stress within families is important, said Debra Vernon, whose lieutenant colonel husband, Les, commands the battalion.

Programs to help soldiers, their spouses and others are “mostly soldier-geared,” Vernon said. What is missing is an avenue to bring the spouses and children together to address common areas of concerns.

Vernon said the military does an excellent job of identifying soldiers with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but there are other pressures that families must address.

Spouses are sometimes reluctant to talk about the toll stress may be creating within the family for fear of harming their soldiers’ careers.

That something is what she considers a pilot program for the Army that brings families to a workshop where spouses and children can share common problems and solutions.

Knowing there would be naysayers — even her husband thought it was too much of a stretch to accomplish — Vernon, herself a former GI, wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer.

She approached Chaplain (Col.) Douglas Kinder, the installation chaplain, and found her first major supporter.

Continuing stress on the soldiers and their families come from the constant deployments into harm’s way.

To deal with that stress, a two-day family workshop was created. More like a retreat, it was held at the Tucson Westin La Paloma Resort and Spa, which is close to the Santa Catalina Mountains. The area is peaceful, even with 78 children ranging in age for newborn to 17 being around.

Kinder said the idea struck him as another way for the Army’s spiritual leaders to reach out to families of deployed soldiers.

But it was going to take more than just gathering up people to talk about the stress families face.

That’s when the Child and Adolescent Traumatic Stress Services Center of Southern Arizona, in conjunction with the Jewish Family and Children’s Service of Southern Arizona Inc., became involved.

Kinder said it was clear an agency with counseling background involving stress was going to be key to the success of the initial program.

The 11th Signal Brigade, under which the 86th belongs, provided $11,000 as start-up money. Special chaplain funds also were used.

The families did not have to pay for their rooms. Two meals a day also were provided.

The mornings were given over to workshops for spouses and their children. Children were broken down by age groups — 4 and 5, 6 and 7, 8 through 10, 11 through 13 and 14 through 17. Newborns and those younger than 2 were taken care of in a nursery.

A representative of the office of the chief of Army chaplains also attended the weekend’s event.

“This is a unique model,” Chaplain (Lt. Col.) Peter Frederich said Saturday. “It has a different focus.”

The Army has a number of programs, such as marriage renewal retreats for spouses, but nothing that gears itself to families and how to help them cope while their husbands or wives are deployed, said Frederich, who heads the soldiers and family ministry function.

Frederich went from room to room where each group of children were going through discussions and play based on their ages. He said he was excited about what he saw from the program.

The Army has a pool of money available to provide grants for such a program. Frederich said he believes family workshops have a good chance of obtaining some funds.

There might have to be some fine-tuning, but he gave a thumbs up to the pilot program.

Madeline Cohen led The Coyotes Rock, a group of 13 children ranging in age from 8 to 10.

Like other group leaders, she used what the children’s fathers, or other male head of household, do with her group. That included a little physical training. Her group did jumping jacks and push-ups.

A game also was played to instill the importance of the deployed soldiers’ mission.

Breaking down into two groups, they had to pass a hard-boiled egg that was placed on a tablespoon.

Before that happened, the children were allowed to create a face with crayons on the egg.

Cohen instructed the children to treat the egg as fragile cargo, just like their father, or in the case of one boy his uncle, must do when deployed.

“Their fathers have to take care of their soldiers, which are fragile cargo,” she said after the game ended.

Like many groups involving young people, it took time for the kids to be comfortable with her.

But it had an almost sad silence again when Cohen asked about the number of deployments they had experienced with the male head of their household.

When she asked how many were experiencing their first deployment, four hands went up. She saw three children raise their hands when she asked about a second deployment. When three or more deployments came up, six hands rose.

Cohen later said she was even surprised that many of the children in her group had experienced three or more deployments.

It is estimated that 1.2 million American children have had their fathers, mothers or both parents deployed to Iraq, Cohen said.

“My mother told me he went away for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long time,” the girl said.

What Cohen was able to obtain from her group was that the children were confused, angry and scared, but still optimistic.

They asked her to spell words they were interested in. Iraq, bombs, booms, died and other war-related words were written out. Some children said they were ashamed, but none of them could give a definition of that word.

When Shoemaker asked them to pretend they were floating on a cloud and to draw a picture of what was happening, many put their fathers on the cloud with them. One had her entire family, including grandparents, in the picture.

Col. Kelvin Neptune, chief of the behavior health clinic at the Fort’s Raymond W. Bliss Army Health Center, said families face as much stress, albeit different, as the deployed soldiers.

He, too, believes the pilot program being led by families of the 86th Signal Battalion is a good way to help defuse stressful situations.

“I don’t know how you can separate a (deployed) spouse from a family, especially the children,” Neptune said. “You can’t separate family support from the mission (of a soldier).”

Families must look for positives so stress is controlled, said the colonel who was recently recalled to active duty.

What makes it appear as bad is that the mechanism to address problems must be improved, he said. The idea developed by the 86th’s group is a step toward that.

Barbra Quade, director of Child & Adolescent Traumatic Stress Services, facilitated the wives’ group.

The object is to help the adults understand that in most cases they are the dual head of a household, but they need to find time for themselves, she said.

Coping skills and relaxation are equally important, Quade said. After Saturday’s morning session, private counseling was available for the wives and their children.

For Amy Harrison, whose husband Kelvin, a staff sergeant on his second deployment to Iraq, the workshop gave her new ideas how to handle stress, with the realization that problems are not always the same in every situation.

With two girls, w, 11, and Kellie, 7, she came to realize that how she has to handle a situation involving the children is sometimes similar but other times not.

“I learned a lot,” Harrison said, noting she realizes she is mother, father, friend, tutor and a whole range of other responsibilities.

Kinder said the workshop was a first step in helping spouses and children cope with the additional stress.

He also sees it helping deployed soldiers so they won’t be deluged with family problems as they serve in places such as Iraq.

Cemetery precious to three Sierra Vista men

By Amanda Baillie
Herald/Review

SIERRA VISTA — Nacho Valenzuela was born at Fort Huachuca in 1925.

At 81 years of age, he has outlived many immediate members of his family and close friends. Many of them are buried in Fry Cemetery.

Albert Laguna also was born at the military installation in 1937.

Just 13 years later his father, Alcadio Dorme Laguna, was laid to rest in the southwest corner of Fry Cemetery.

Joe Garcia came into the world at historic Brown Canyon Ranch in 1938.

In 1941 his brother, Prudencio Garcia, was buried in an unmarked grave in Fry Cemetery. He had died during birth.

Valenzuela, Laguna and Garcia represent one of the reasons why the Fry Pioneer Preservation Committee is fighting to save the burial ground, located north of Fry Boulevard, between Sixth and Seventh streets.

They believe the families and friends of these men, and many others like them, deserve to be honored and remembered.

Following the recent sale of a strip of land on the east side of the cemetery to a real estate developer, Valenzuela, Laguna and Garcia have been trying to raise awareness of the campaign and the historical significance of the site.

Their passion for having the area preserved is heightened by the fact that Garcia and Laguna are first cousins, and Valenzuela is a step-uncle to them both, meaning they share many of the same family members buried there.

All three men say they have been deeply distressed by the sale of part of the cemetery, which follows the selling off of a strip of land on the west side a few years ago by its owner, Patricia Clark-Aris, the granddaughter of pioneer Oilver Fry.

Relations between California-based Clark-Aris, who is represented locally by Re/-Max Realtor Nancy Rea, and the families of the people buried in the cemetery have recently been strained.

The families claim visiting their loved ones has been extremely difficult ever since a fence was installed around the cemetery in the early 1970s, when, according to Garcia, it was still owned by Oliver Fry’s son Erwin.

He believes the fence was installed because of increasing development in Fry Townsite and the west end, and that Erwin Fry wanted to ensure the cemetery was protected.

The current owner says, however, that none of the family members has contacted her or Rea to gain access to the locked gates since 1999.

Valenzuela says this is because he has picked up a key on behalf of others.

“But no one should have to go to a gatekeeper to visit a burial site,” Garcia said. “Regular access should always have been available to the families.”

Laguna added, “What they should do is put a combination lock on the gates and give the number to the families. If someone wanted to go in and destroy the graves then all they have to do is jump over the fence. But no one has done that. What do they think the families are going to do in there? All we want to do is visit our loved ones.”

The cemetery was originally owned by Oliver Fry, who came to Sierra Vista in 1912.

He designated an area for a family plot and his wife Elizabeth was the first to be buried there in 1919.

Fry also allowed members of the then small community to bury their loved ones in an area around the Fry family plot because the majority of people were too poor to pay for a funeral or a headstone.

When Erwin Fry became the owner, he allowed that to continue.

“Back then they used to bring a priest in from St. Andrew’s Church in Tombstone to bless the cemetery, about once every four months,” said Laguna, whose father was a woodcutter when the family lived in Brown Canyon, before later working for Erwin Fry when they moved to Fry Boulevard.

“And as long as we let Erwin Fry know about an upcoming burial, he always gave his permission.”

Laguna’s grandfather, Alfredo Gonzalez, born in Mexico in 1875, came to Fort Huachuca to work as an Army scout and later became a plumber at the post, helping to dig latrines for the soldiers.

He retired from civil service after 45 years.

“Our family is rich in Mexican-American culture and is one of the families in Fry that made significant contributions to Sierra Vista and our country,” Laguna said. “My two brothers and I are all veterans. I retired with 23 years in the U.S. Navy and 21 years with the federal government. My parents taught me the moral and ethical values I have today.

“My father, as a worker for the Frys, was given a burial in Fry Cemetery, and I believe he, and the more than 190 people buried there, deserves respect and protection.”

Laguna added the campaign has only been started this year because the families never believed parts of the cemetery would be sold off.

“We realize the land belongs to the Frys, but back then we never thought something like this would happen,” he said. “We are just upset that the owner does not want to acknowledge our families.”

According to Rea, Clark-Aris believes the cemetery is her only “asset” and she has sold parts of it off because she needs the money.

The owner has stated the remaining land can be bought for $70,000, but only by a government authority because she wants to see the land preserved.

“We can understand them needing money,” Laguna said. “But when we were young we did not have anything. So we got off our butts and did something about it. We never cried, and we were taught to give back to the community.”

Garcia believes that Erwin Fry never intended for the cemetery to be put up for sale.

“He would never have allowed us to bury people there if that’s what he wanted,” he said. “I think he did that for the good of everyone in this community.”

Valenzuela added, “Erwin Fry gave us permission to bury my father there. When he did that, he donated that piece of land to my father.”

Valenzuela has a number of his immediate family members buried at the cemetery, including his grandparents, father, sister, uncles and cousins.

He also says there are five Yaqui tribe members buried on the east side of the cemetery, which was recently sold.

“Most of my family are buried on the west side, but my uncle wanted to be buried on the east side because his Yaqui friends were buried there,” he said.

All three men say all they want now is “a fair chance” to save the site, which is currently being considered for state historic status.

“I would like to see the Re/Max management have a corporate conscience and work with the city and the committee to buy this piece of land,” Garcia said. “It is to everyone’s benefit for the city to acquire this property.”

REPORTER Amanda Baillie can be reached at 515-4683 or by e-mail at amanda.baillie@svherald.com.

story at http://www.svherald.com/articles/2006/11/19/local_news/news3.txt

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