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How did John Kerry's face get that way? Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him back in the Seventies.

What happened when Mike Tyson tried to fight Chuck Norris? Tyson got so scared he screamed like a little girl and his voice has been the same ever since.

How come no aliens have ever invaded Earth? They're waiting until Chuck Norris dies so it will be safe for them to come. The trouble is, they don't know that Chuck Norris is immortal.

What does Chuck Norris call Bruce Lee? "The best kid I ever trained."

What's the secret behind thunderstorms? They're actually caused by Chuck Norris after eating Texas chili.

How come Chuck Norris never flies? Because he can just stare at his destination on a map and make it come to him.