Kim Jong-Il Sorry for Nuke Test, Molested as Child

Scrappleface ^ | 21 Oct 06 | Scott Ott

[xzins]

Kim Jong-Il Sorry for Nuke Test, Molested as Child by Scott Ott

(2006-10-21) — North Korean President Kim Jong-Il today reportedly told Chinese diplomats that he regrets his government’s recent detonation of a nuclear device, and he revealed that he had been molested as a child.

“President Kim is sorry, and he takes full responsibility for the atomic bomb test,” said an unnamed Chinese source, “but in the spirit of transparency and vulnerability, he wants people to know about the childhood molestation incident.”

The North Korean leader has reportedly checked himself into a rehab center to “heal his inner child and boost his self-esteem,” but a spokesman said he is not ashamed to come out of the closet as a fascist dictator.

“A lot people are going to trot out the old myths that fascist dictators are dangerous to society,” said the spokesman. “But short of a few isolated genocides and unprovoked invasions, there’s little evidence to substantiate that claim. It’s time to move past recriminations over the nuclear test, and let bygones be bygones.”

[xzins]

Editorial Satire Alert!

[caisson71]

How about his Catholic priest?

[SevenofNine]

OH LORDY check this out North Korea ping list ROFL

[LasVegasMac]

I called South Dakota.

'Lil Tommy Dashole is just, very, very.....

deeply concerned.....and saddened!

[edpc]

The just sat naked together in a sauna. Scrappleface and The Onion kill me.

[VOA]

How about his Catholic priest?

in the spirit of scrappleface:
The Glorious Leader has been told by his materialist psychiatrists
that he has unresolved feelings over the incident as his molester escaped
North Korea.
Thus The Exalted Leader of North Korea couldn't have him tortured or
starved to death, hence the sublimation of his anger into the nuclear
weapons program.

(gosh, this almost sounds like it makes sense...)

[Always Right]

This is an outrage. Only a pedophile can use that one. Ruthless maniac dictactors need to come up with their own excuse. Of course being anti-Semetic, maybe he can borrow the Mel Gibson one.

[Jet Jaguar]

LOL!!!

[xrp]

Haha, I bet he was on ritalin, too.

[yldstrk]

Hilarious!

[xzins]

I hear Buddhist priests are no picnic, either.

[maica]

thanks for the smile!

[snowsislander]

For what it is worth, this was already posted at http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1722865/posts

[xzins]

Scrappleface really nailed this one: timely, concise, sarcastic......absolutely love it.

[caisson71]

Good. Mybe the DNC will use this in a few weeks....

[caisson71]

At least they can hum.....ROFL.

[xzins]

it's funny enough to deserve another viewing on late night FR

:>)

[xzins]

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........

Grasshopper

[Hilltop]

The Juche way, whatever the flying phuck that means.

Hey Kim jong Dill, whatever, don't so I'm sorry, it's a sign of weakness, just apologize for your dumbass decisions.

[ARealMothersSonForever]

At least li'l Kim aint blaming it on the cognac and pills!