[MoJo2001]

Latest update from family member --> 16 Dec 2006 *Evening Update*

Before you read further, please note that this update will be extremely different and painful for those that know and love Mr. Tonkin.
If you can't handle reading further, please say extra prayers for Mr. Tonkin and his family.

About two weeks ago Brian began refusing all treatment, food and water etc off and on and has now refused all phone calls from family members included. We continued to call off and on and he would take our calls or not as he wished. They had transported him back to the Portland VA hospital in order to tend to an infection he'd had that hadn't responded to the oral antibiotics. The rehab unit could not deliver antibiotics via IV and the doctor did not want to wait as it was going into the weekend so he was transported to the Portland VA hospital where they could deliver the antibiotics and he could be watched 24/7. I spoke with him on Sunday, by Monday after that weekend it was discovered he had a 5-6mm mass (tumor? cancer?) on his colon. He refused ANY AND ALL treatment (including exploratory surgery to see what it is he has). He again began refusing all medications, treatment and again food and water. The doctors contacted me and I was brought up to speed (I'd talked with them on Friday when they sent him from the rehab to the hospital) and now on Monday we were discussing this colon issue and Brian's response to this. They were asking if I could/would be willing to see if I could talk with him, which I agreed to do.

 Eventually the doctors called me back and that is when I found out he continued to refuse any treatment. As there was much that could be done medically the doctors and all others concerned held an Ethics Hearing to see if it was ethical for them to let him go as he wished. It was determined that he was capable of making these decisions for himself and they are abiding with his wishes. He was transported to a hospice in Portland where they will make him as comfortable as possible for the time he has left.

Since moving to the hospice he began to sound better and took our calls for a few days and was even getting up and eating meals in the dining room.

Unfortunately that didn't last long and he has now again begun to refuse meals and such. He has also now given orders that he is to get no phone calls and they are not to tell me or anyone anything about his health or medical situation. This is his right and is how he has chosen to spend his last bit of time. I am in touch with the hospice and they are very kind to the family. As they are bound by the law and must abide by his wishes so we will not be able to know any further how he is doing. I have been assured they will do all he will allow to make him comfortable. They will call me when he has passed. I have not the heart to even ask for the address as I know any card will only be refused. He knows we all love him and we all know he loves us and that is what we're going to have to hold close.

There will be no bedside comfort from family at his last moments as is his request. How sad but that is his wishes. Sad too is the fact that two weeks ago the highest honor the Coast Guard gives was awarded to Brian. He doesn't know it and won't take the call from his Coast Guard friend to be told. The submission was entered before he had this stroke and it just came through.

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Here's where we stand as of tonight:

Obviously, his family is devastated. However, prayers from all that love and care about him could penetrate his refusal. We just believe that God is bigger than Mr. Tonkin and therefore, whatever God wants...Mr. Tonkin will just have to get over it.

We have one more option that we're looking into as a sort of last ditch effort to perhaps change his mind. Please pray that this person is receptive and willing to do this on behalf of his family and all of us that love him.

Mr. Tonkin is preparing himself to die and that is extremely difficult for those of us that have known him. Our prayers is that he will open himself up to his family. He shouldn't be alone now. Anyone that knows him...knows how stubborn he can be and when his mind is made up...that's it. Therefore, we need all the prayers we can get on his behalf and for his family.

We're sorry the news isn't better, but we're not giving up on him. And we pray that none of you will give up on him either.

As of now, please do not send cards or letters because we don't have an address and we don't know whether that would just annoy him.

If he doesn't change his mind, he will die alone. That's the bottom line. There's no sugar-coating it.

By the way, thank you to everyone that has bumped this thread throughout the weeks and for those that have sent FReepmails to me. I have read them, but due to a lack of time and family activities--I have been unable to answer individually. Please know that I've read them and my apologies for not getting back to you. Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, and well wishes.

 

 

[Jim Robinson]

Prayers continuing for Brian.

[The Mayor]

My Prayers for Tonk.

[SouthTexas]

Lord, May Thy Will be Done.

Prayers for the family.

[Socratic]

Prayers for the will of The Almighty to be made manifest in the lives all involved.

[tubebender]

We continue our prayers for you Tonk and thank you for your service to our country over seas and at the Coast Guard Station in Coos Bay.

As a footnote Tonk, with a break in the storm the Crab Fleet sailed today from the ports of the North West Coast and we pray for them and the Coasties that watch over them.

We will look for you when we see you coming...

[Lancey Howard]

I am praying for a miracle. They do happen.
As far as Mr. Tonkin's wishes they should be respected, IMO, by anyone who "has never walked in his moccasins".

Thank you for the update.

Regards,
LH

[McGavin999]

It's not possible for Tonk to die alone. He will always be surrounded by our love and his room will be crowded to overflowing with Vietnam buddies who have been waiting for him to join them.

If there is one thing I am absolutely certain about it's that all the angels in God's heaven will be there to welcome this wonderful man.

[SandRat]

This is truely for you

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day.
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way.
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone.
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home.
Mama couldnt see him, but he was standing there.
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers.

Chorus
Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with a light of love.

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees.
Theres always been someone there to come along and comfort me.
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand.
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand.
And aint it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.
Chorus

They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places.
To guide us with their mercy, in our time of need.

Chorus
To guide us with a light of love.

[Judith Anne]

Prayers continue.

[trussell]

Prayer ping update. Please see post 2,841 posted on 12/16/2006 8:20:48 PM MST by MoJo2001 {click the number}

Please know that I am praying. May God provide healing and comfort as needed.
Tonkin...we love you. Please don't shut us out.  

Blessings,
trussell

If you want on/off my prayer ping list, please let me know. All requests happily honored.

[derllak]

I'm so sorry to hear this. By pushing everyone away, he's probably trying to spare everyone's feelings. That won't stop us from caring about him and praying for him, though. I really hope he let's his loving family in before it's too late.
Like it or not, Tonkin, we care about you and the prayers will continue!

[Cicero]

Thank you for the update. This raises further concerns with me about these "privacy laws." They are well meaning, I'm sure, but we have several times had problems because of their blindness to the genuine concerns of family and friends.

In any case, you have my prayers that God will be with him in his illness, and with his family. I pray that God will give him his grace, love, and forgiveness to do the right thing in this very difficult trial.

[Smokin' Joe]

Prayers up for Tonk and everyone else involved.

[firewalk]

Thank you MoJo
God is in charge

I will continue to pray for Mr. Tonkin
to find comfort & peace

[Chena]

Just too sad, MoJo2001. Prayers up for Tonk.

[Ditter]

This is very sad news. I am so sorry to hear it. My grandmother did the same thing after having her colon removed because of cancer. It was in the 50's and she was a Victorian lady and could not bear the thought of having a colostomy bag. She stopped eating or drinking and turned her face to the wall and died.

[SheLion]

Ohhhhh no.......................Tonk is such a sweet man and oh boy! The work he did on Free Republic!!!   I still miss his post to this day.

God bless him! He is always in my prayers and his family as well.  I am just sick about this.....

[Enterprise]

Well, that is very bad news indeed. My prayers are still for him and additionally for his family. I know it's no help, but it's for us to try to understand when someone decides to go out alone. They may not be angry or spiteful, it is just their nature. Merciful Father accept this fine veteran and family man.

[kkmo9]

Thanks, Mojo and Brians family, for the updates. Heart-breaking news...

Praying for peace and comfort and God's will be done.