ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Captured al-Qaeda leader Khalid Shaikh Mohammed finally broke his silence Tuesday after U.S. and Pakistani officials made offhand remarks comparing the terrorist to famed porn star Ron Jeremy during a 12 hour interrogation.
"He just suddenly lost it," Special Ops Lt. Col Henry Gibson said. "This apparently was a sore subject. We hit a nerve."
The suspected mastermind of the Sept. 11 terror attacks, Shaikh Mohammed was captured last week by US and Pakistani forces and is considered to be the No. 3 man in the al-Qaeda terrorist organization. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to veteran porn actor Ron Jeremy, known in the adult industry as "The Hedgehog."
According to sources, nearly a dozen expert interrogators and translators were flown in to extract information from the the tight-lipped leader. After 12 hours they were about to call it a day when a security officer let the comment slip.
"The prisoner barely even speaks English," Gibson said. "But when someone pointed out that [Mohammed] looks just like the star of 'The Sperminator' and 'Dr. Sphincter' films, the guy just started screaming and cursing like a lunatic."
Pakistani translator Ahmed Hajman worked feverishly to translate dozens of expletives from the standard Arabic into English.
"He's been unfairly compared to Ron Jeremy his whole life and he just reached his breaking point," Hajman explained. "For years he's been working to change his image and no matter what he does, he still looks just like that fat American actor with the giant shlong. He's very upset."
Gibson admits when he first saw the captured al-Qaeda leader, it was the first thing that popped in his head, but he didn't say anything out of fears of acknowledging his love for pornography -- and in particular, the vast film library of Ron Jeremy.
"I suppose when you become the third ranked leader in the largest terrorism network in the world, you might find the comparison insulting," Gibson acknowledged. "Personally, I would be flattered."
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