I can certainly understand your point of view concerning a father's or grandfather's financial assistance to offspring. That said, my father, who also came from nothing and built his own wealth, contributed nothing to my support and education following my 18th year. He believed it would weaken me to not do for myself. I never held that against him and have always loved him. I believe a parent's only primary obligation to children is to feed, clothe, house and protect them until they reach maturity. All else, IMO, is optional.
You make a valid point about self reliance being a forced/learned process. I believe I too am stronger due to the
stark choices forced upon me. I hope to be able to raise my daughters along similar lines. Should any of them show no inclination towards self reliance I would hope I would be able to help them learn how to stand on their own. They are young now and we shall see how good a job I do. But at the end of the day I love each of them no matter what and couldn't imagine denouncing their progeny or failing to support them should they really need it.