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it's a serious question about which me is better: the happy, intoxicated, likely-to-be-shorter-lived friend of everyone, or the stoic, medicated, spooked, depressed sober me who no one will ever trust again since he had such "deep issues"

I'm not sure I totally understand this question, but I'm going to try and tell you my feelings. I have a brother who is an alcoholic. I dearly love him and I have tears in my eyes right now thinking of him and the struggles he goes through every day.

When he is intoxicated he is happy, funny and desensitized to the pain. He is also desensitized to the pain of the people around him. He doesn't see the worry in my eyes or sense the pain I feel for him as I watch him drink his life away. I watched an uncle die before my eyes in a haze of alcohol and now I'm watching my dear brother die before my eyes and I'm helpless to stop it.

Would I rather have a medicated, depressed sober brother? In a heartbeat, I scream, "YES!" As long as he is sober there is hope that he will find the way out of his pain alive. And you know, rationally I know there is nothing I can do or say to reach him, but if he dies due to an alcohol related accident or condition, I'll probably spend the rest of my life feeling depressed and guilty that I couldn't find the words to reach him and prevent it.

Please see my post #276. I know exactly how you feel. My sister died Tuesday.

Tell your brother you love him and that you want him to live. Tell him that he is important to you and that you want a new life for him. Tell him you will be there for whatever he needs as he works to get himself together. Tell him you want to be there and you want to hold him when he finally gets himself free. Tell him it's important to you to get your brother back. And again, tell your brother you love him and that you want him to live.

I didn't say all these things to my sister, at least not as directly and as forcefully as I wish I would have, and that is my regret. Try. Do what you can. And don't regret. There are decisions that are only your brother's to make, but you need to let him know what those decisions mean to you. After that it's all up to him. You have a life, go and live it.

I feel for you, I really do. God bless you, your family, and your brother. I pray things turn around. The death of my sister was horrible in every way, and I hope and pray that you never have to know what it's like.

I'm here anytime,
Steve