THanks for your kind words. PRAISE GOD FOR ALL HE HAS TAUGHT ME AND DONE IN ME . . . all else is chaff.
redlocks . . . thanks for your loving words to our brother.
BROTHER IN NEED . . . I realize that
"Trust in the Lord and He alone will see you through. Do not depend on your own will, but give it all over to Him. Jesus loves you very much and will help you if you let Him."
can sometimes be infuriating words.
Many times I've almost stood bolt upright in church and screamed HOW!!!!?????????!!!!!
I don't know any pat answers for that. I know there's truth in the words. And that truth has sometimes taken me decades to uncover. Not the most encouraging word in the midst of despair and wanting immediate relief from myself and from pain.
But, ABANDONMENT TO HIM is a big key.
It does NOT mean ABDICATING my personal responsibility to do what He shows me to do; to do what is at hand to do; to do what I can.
It does mean releasing the results to Him and trusting that somewhere down in the dark abyss I seem to be falling forever down into--somewhere down there are HIS HANDS.
And they are there. And they will catch you.
Sometimes Abandonment means releasing the results to His timing AND HIS WAYS, HIS TYPE, HIS CHOSEN RESULTS for us at that moment--regardless of how puzzling or nonsensical.
I realize that "don't depend on your own will" is nonsense at some level. And, it doesn't mean that we become wet noodles to all life brings our way.
But it does mean put no confidence in our own will and our own ability to save ourselves ultimately. That it is only as we COOPERATE WITH HIS SAVING US that we will be saved in the wholesale meaning of the word Salvation.
But putting no confidence in the ability of our own will to save ourselves does NOT mean that our own will is to be considered useless, etc. God expects us to exercise our wills against satan and FOR GOD and for God's ways as best as we can discern them and put them into practice.
But we are to also realize THAT HE WORKS IN US TO WILL AND TO DO HIS GOOD PLEASURE as Scripture says. I know, rarely fast enough for me, either.
I think a key aspect is the focus. Our eyes on Christ is the redemptive focus. On ourselves is a spiral down.
Then there's that troublesome phrase "Let go and let God--let Jesus" help you.
Welllllllllllllllllll shoot fire!!! What ya think I've been begging him prostrate with great blood and tears to do for so long! Goodness! Already yet!
I know. Been there tons.
No pat answers on that score either. But there is a precious truth there somehow that is apprehendable even for you in your current state. Maybe you won't lay hold of all of it--but you can lay hold of more than you have before.
I think it's that abandonment issue again.
If I understand or discern accurately, pride is probably a good key. Whatever the prideful thing would be to you--MAKE A DETERMINED CHOICE TO DO THE OPPOSITE FOR 10 DAYS and see what difference it makes within you and in your relationship with God and with others.
Doing so would be a key part of letting go and letting God.
We must let go those fetters and corruptions which destroy us from within. And pride is a biggy regardless of the white robes of pseudorighteousness it likes to hide behind.
The worst humiliations you may feel you've caused yourself are nothing compared to the ones Christ suffered for you.
He knows what humiliation is like.
He's the only one who truly feels your pain.
But He doesn't want to leave you in it. He does require your cooperation, to some degree, in leading you step by step out of it. Rarely does He wave His miracle finger to fix things instantly.
I think also, letting God means an end to vain, fleshy, carnal, STRIVING.
IF ALL YOU CAN DO IS LIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR IN A PUDDLE OF SELF-PITY AND DEPRESSION--THEN LIE THERE AND FEEL REALLY DEPRESSED for however many minutes. Then get up and do something from the list I gave you above.
If all you can do to abaondon to The Lord is to repeat an edifying verse of Scripture 100 times and ignore all the combative arguments in your mind about whatever . . . then do that.
Striving is that compulsion to save ourselves by our own vain ways. Abandonment is realizing that doesn't work and WAITING ON GOD.
And waiting on God can be some of the hardest work I've ever managed.
But we have no choice. AS Peter said, Lord, to whom could we go!
Love you Brother.
Love you Big (LUB)