First, an apology. I just go tin from a class, it's late, I'm old and tired. So I didn't read all the responses.
BUT, the word "proud" can really mean "grateful", in which case, Phew!, nothing to worry about. But nearly every other meaning of "proud" runs clean contrary to being a "spiritual Christian", IMHO.
"While we were yet sinners ...". "The doors were locked where they were for fear of the Jews and Jesus appeared among them ... and said Peace be with you." And the "them we're talking about here is people who a couple of days ago had forsaken him and pretended not to know him. HE came to them, He did not wait for them to "make it up to Him," or in any other way fulfill some precondition before he came to them.
Search the Scriptures, if you;re so inclined, or just listen to me: Jesus Loves you. If you were the only person on earth other than He, he would have died for you, knowing that you were the problem. In the face of that Love it's just plain silly to avoid approaching Him. That's what Adam and Eve did in the garden: they Hid, as though somehow God wouldn't see them or what they'd done.
Jesus is already with you, His heart is breaking for you, and He's GLAD to have it break for you, that's why He came. He has all these gifts and, though He Himself made a crack about pearls before Swine, He has allowed us to tread Him under foot and still come back for more. His love never changes.
If you're the problem, if I'm the problem, If Jack Daniels is the problem, as far as His laying out prayer as one of the ways He shares His love with us goes, it makes no difference at all. NO difference at all.
It's not that He needs to hear from you -- He knows what's up. It's that as you turn to Him, ... well, I think it's sort of like holding still when the nurse gives you a shot. It doesn't feel so good and it seems, when you come right down to it, like a silly thing to do. Why let some strange chick shove a needle in your arm. And, yeah, it'll probably hurt. But the healing has already begun, or you wouldn't be writing this. And prayer will just be one of the signs of healing and a way even more healing comes to you.
And if you EVER feel that your being the problem is a reason not to pray, haul out the soggy noodle and flog yourself, all the while repeating: Stinking Thinking!
None of us is good enough to pray. All of us are the problem. And Jesus is still the solution.
Yeah you're ashamed. So what. You just have a clearer idea of how unworthy we all are of the love of God than most of us do. What a waste of a good insight it would be to let the shame be a reason NOT to pray. It would be like saying "I can't run because I have great lungs and strong legs and I really want to get to the goal a lot." What sense does that make.? You're ashamed. I'd recommend talking to Jesus about it. He knows a lot about shame.
Thanks for your helpful insights...