Molly Shannon did one of my favorites:
I love it, I love it, I love it!
and the best commercial ever....
Ana: Hey, Mom what do you say to a game of tennis?
Grandchild: Come on grandma, with you on our side, the boys don't stand a chance!
Grandma: Ok, I'll get my racket
[grandma rises from site but changes her mind, looking concerned]
Grandma: On second thought, I think I better sit this one out.
[grandma upset, looks up at grandpa]
Grandpa: You kids go ahead, I wanna have a talk with your old grandma.
[kids, parent leave; grandpa sits down]
Grandpa: You're still having control problems, aren't you?
Grandma: I just don't feel confident Harvey.
Grandpa: Come with me. I wanna let you in on a little secret.
[grandpa takes grandma's hand and they leave porch]
[grandpa opens cabinet and takes out adult diapers]
Grandpa: Here we are oops I crapped my pants.
Grandma: Oops I crapped my pants, I've heard of those. Do they work?
Grandpa: Oops I crapped my pants out performed every bladder and bowel control product on the market today. Here, I'll show you.
[grandma holds open diaper, grandpa holds pitcher]
Grandpa: Imagine this pitcher of tea is really a gallon of your feces.
[grandpa pours pitcher of tea with lemons into diaper]
Grandpa: See how its super thick protection allows for maximum absorbency without leaking.
Grandma: I'm impressed. Oops I crapped my pants can hold a lot of dung.
Grandpa: And get this, Oops I crapped my pants are biodegradable. Now that's good for the environment.
Grandma: Hey, how do you know so much about Oops I crapped my pants?
Grandpa: Well I'm wearing them, and I just did.
[grandpa and grandma smile at each other]
[tennis courts, grandpa and grandma playing tennis with children]
Grandchild: Nice point Grandma! [
Grandma turns to and addresses camera]
Grandma: Thanks Oops I crapped my pants!
Voice over: Visit your local pharmacy and just say Oops I crapped my pants.
This is a favorite too.
Steve Martin: Hi, I'm Steve Martin. With so many celebrities endorsing cosmetics these days, I wanted to make sure the cosmetic I endorsed was very special. That's why I'm proud to put my name on.. Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream.. New Formula. Try my new beauty cream, and in a matter of weeks your penis will be looking smoother and softer, the way women like it. And because of the new formula no more scaling. Here's how it works:
Just take a small amount and rub gently on the penis for several minutes up to a half-hour. You'll notice a difference right away. And, don't worry, a slight discoloration is normal. Bob, tell us, how has my Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream New Formula helped you?
Bob Hillets: Well, Steve, I'm in real estate, and if I'm not confident, I can't do my job.
Steve Martin: And you can't feel confident unless your manhood is smooth and soft, right?
Bob Hillets: Exactly! If I'm thinking about my appearance, I'm not thinking about selling houses. The day I started using Steve's cream, I sold three houses. Now, I have more energy than before, my confidence is sky-high, I just got my pilot's license, and next week I'm flying solo from L.A. to Tahoe with nothing onboard except two jars of your cream.
Steve Martin: That's great!
Bob Hillets: Well, the best part, Steve, is that now I can throw away all those cans of turtle wax.
Steve Martin: Our next guest actually started using my new cream by accident. Isn't that right, Dave?
Dave Marcus: That's right, Steve. I thought it was for something else.
Steve Martin: And now that you've been using the product, how have you found it?
Dave Marcus: Well, Steve.. I've found I have a lovelier, more luxurious, softer penis than I ever had with other beauty creams, probably because it's the first beauty lotion made especially for the johnson. I'll tell you - if I could afford it, I would use your cream 24 hours a day.
Steve Martin: And, is your wife more attracted to you now that you've been using my cream?
Dave Marcus: Well, Steve, my wife recently left me, But before she did, she told me, "I hope you and your Steve Martin's Beauty Cream will be very happy.
Steve Martin: Well, that's a lovely tribute! Thank you, Dave. Steve Martin's All-Natural Penis Beauty Cream.. New Formula. You know it's safe. Why? Because it's tested on animals. And, if you order by mail, don't worry - it's shipped in a plain brown wrapper with the words "Not Penis Cream" stamped all over it in big red letters. So pick up a jar today, and remember, it's the only cream with a picture of my penis on it!
[ fade ]