Dean Finds Timing of Terrorist Plot Suspicious
Howard Dean, chairman of the Democratic National Committee has assailed the “poor timing” of the recently thwarted al-Qaeda plot to blow up multiple trans-Atlantic flights from the United Kingdom to the United States. “We had the Republicans on the ropes,” Dean complained. “All the polls showed us picking up dozens of seats in Congress—enough to take back the majority and ensure the impeachment of President Bush, now this. Are these terrorists idiots? Couldn’t they wait until after November?”
Dean didn’t confine his wrath to what he dubbed “those bumbling Muslim nincompoops.” He offered an alternative take on events that was more conspiratorial in nature. “How do we know it’s not a put up job?” Dean mused. “It’s easy to arrest people and claim they were going to launch an attack. Maybe there was no planned attack.”
Dean asserted that the “trigger-happy duo” of Bush and Blair—the “killer Bs” as he called them—were, at best, escalating the violence against the U.S. and U.K. “These two act as if a ‘pluralistic society’ is the only acceptable way to govern,” Dean said. “Bush and Blair are risking our lives by foolishly espousing an abstract concept of liberty. Well, every suicide attack against us is a powerful vote for a different culture of governance. We need to take heed of these votes instead of blindly lashing out at this different point of view. The belligerence of Bush and Blair is escalating the conflict.”
Dean said he still remains hopeful that memories of the “alleged” narrow escape from this latest terrorist attack will fade by November. “Football season will be starting, there’ll be the World Series, a new TV season—plenty of things to distract voters from the alleged success of Bush’s war on terror,” Dean said. “I’m confident our ‘u-turn for America’ theme will convince a majority to place their trust in our party.”
In related news, the ACLU expressed dismay that a key tactic in the U.K.’s foiling of the plot to blow up airliners was a so-called “sneak-and-peek” program where British intelligence experts covertly broke into suspects homes and implanted listening devices. “This was an outrageous trampling of civil rights,” said ACLU spokesman, Bertram Petty. “Some may find comfort in the lives saved, but we see a greater danger in the privacy lost. We must do everything we can to ensure that this kind of intrusion doesn’t happen here.”
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