Wait'll they get started going after major household-cleaner companies. "I Pledge to you, "Pledge" causes damage to the avioli. Do not let your children chew on the coffee table. While we are at it, you shouldn't have a coffee table. Coffee tables are usually made of wood. Rainforest depletion, and depletion of all trees is also a problem. Use a concrete slab instead. But why have a coffee table -- coffee can be inhaled thereby providing an airborne stimulant to your child which can make them psychotic and have lasting deleterious effects upon the child.
Oh, alas... Why have children. You don't really need to: The world is already over-populated.
What is needed are more Scolds! The Scolds are losing elections. And it's all everyone's fault. If only the voters had more avioli, the Scolds would Win! It's the lack of oxygen which is making you vote very, very baaaaaaaadly.......
///tape 43. End of public service announcement.