I prefer this option. LOL
Posted on 08/13/2006 9:33:13 AM PDT by WestTexasWend
It's lookin' like the list of items you won't be able to take on commercial airliners is about to include a leak.
That's what I'm figuring, because from here on out, it's unlikely you'll be able to take any liquids on board. We can blame this latest inconvenience on a plot involving 24 suspects who were arrested in England, suspected of planning to blow up 10 U.S.-bound passenger jets with liquid explosives disguised as carry-on items.
Which leads me to the only surefire solution I can think of to keep terrorists from blowing up airplanes: Create a company called Buck Nekkid Airlines, your clothing unoptional travel choice.
Our motto: Take It Off, Or We Ain't Takin' Off.
Think about it. Where would a terrorist hide a bomb if he weren't wearing pants?
Don't answer that.
Hey, we're already accustomed to removing our shoes at the airport, right? How much more trouble would it be to just keep goin' and whip off our britches? It's a pretty obvious equation for success. If you don't have anything on, you can't have anything on yah.
See, the problem is that it's impossible for the security people at the airport to find everything. In 2003, when the Texas men's basketball team went to the Final Four, I inadvertently smuggled a box cutter onto an airplane bound for New Orleans.
I used to carry a stainless steel tool around in my wallet that you could use as a box cutter, a screwdriver or a beer opener. The thing was about the size of a playing card, and I kept it in my wallet in the oft chance that I would run into a longneck that needed drinking.
Which would happen on special occasions, like, say, daylight.
Even though this tool was shiny and metal, it rode through the X-ray machine in the plastic bucket undetected like it was a box of mints. Nobody in security noticed it. It wasn't until we got to about 34,000 feet that I remembered I had a box cutter in my pocket.
Of course, I kept my mouth shut. "Now's not the time to bring it up," I thought.
So if I can do it, anybody can. Which leads me to Buck Nekkid Airlines: We Turn the Sky Into a No Fly Zone in a New Way.
Here's how it would work. No luggage or carry-on bags would be allowed. Besides, look at the chick sitting in 4D. When you got to the security line at the airport, you'd have to take off your clothes at a disrobing station. You'd stick your clothes in a bag provided by the carrier, and your duds would be mailed back to your house at the airlines' expense.
Sure, riding around nekkid would be embarrassing. But just think how much safer it would be than flying with a bunch of stiffs who are lugging God knows what around. And if you dropped your drink in your lap, you wouldn't have to send your suit to the cleaners.
Also, this would be good for the economy. As soon as you got to where you were going, you'd have to hit a store to pick up a shirt, underwear and socks.
There is one problem. Since you don't have any pockets, where are you going to put your boarding pass?
Don't answer that, either.
Sir, you're going to have to taste the contents of that colostomy bag before boarding.
Buck with periodic, deep, cavity searches.
You always kind of wish that these clowns like Kelso would be the ones to get hit.
LOL!
Orange jumpsuits.
Somebody would complain it is a raw deal, and that is just the bare facts.
what a hoot!
Frightening.
uh, yeah, some traveling companions would certainly be ;)
But what would all those high-school dropouts do, who are being paid handsomely for standing behind those ineffective machines? This is actually a jobs program for the otherwise unemployed.
e.g., the 450 pounders sitting in the seats to my left and right. I'm carrying a pamphlet, "Secrets of using Deoderants" to hand out, but now I have no pockets to keep the little pamphlets in.
ew ew ew!
gives new meaning to the old standby
echoed from the backseats of many a
family vacation...
"awwwww she's/he's touching me!"
General anesthesia for all passengers. Crew too. Better include the pilot while we're at it.
I prefer this option. LOL
Wonder how much a bottle of water will cost on an airline now.
Great. Now I hate air travel even more.
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