I admire your courage. Forgiveness is available. And it's free.
God bless you. Your story has great value. Don't be ashamed to tell it.
Please believe this. We are all sinners, every one of us. And we can all have forgiveness. That's what the Savior died to do for us. Several Christian denominations offer individual confession and absolution, if that would help you (Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutherans come to mind). If, by any chance, you are a member of any of these denominations, consider availing yourself of this help. If not, I suggest (with love) that you consider joining a church that offers this.
To the other posters who have offered you blessings, I add my own, "God bless you," dear friend and sister. I am a sinner, just like you.