(Boston) Globe fakes in all directions except right

Boston Herald ^ | Friday, August 4, 2006 | Howie Carr

[Straight Vermonter]

Memo to the Globe: from now on, stick to stories you know something, or at least care, about.

Like gay marriage.

Now the boring broadsheet has run what appears to be another very badly reported fake news story. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

Is Dan Rather available for damage control? I can hear him now:

“This story is true!”

Disgraced CBS News producer Mary Mapes could not be reached for comment. Jayson Blair did not return repeated phone calls.

Memo to the Globe: This newspaper is no longer your competition. You are now going head-to-head with The Onion, Scrappleface and Weekly World News.

This latest front-page hoax could mean a Pulitzer for the Globe: for Best Fake News Story of 2006.

We used to call the people who worked for the Globe “bow-tied bum-kissers.”

But it’s worse now.

This is what happens when everyone on the staff wears an Ascot - or at least writes like he’s wearing one. You don’t have to have a trust fund to work at the Globe these days, but it helps.

Memo to the Globe: Hire a few people who know the streets, and I don’t mean Brattle Street.

Hey, Marty Baron - What exactly was the rush about getting the fake story into your shrinking, shrieking newspaper? Did somebody in the Globe’s fake-news room have one too many brandy Alexanders before making the call to replate the front page for the city edition?

“It’s not every day,” said a talk-show host yesterday, “that the Globe gets had.”

No, it’s just every other day.

Remember when the Globe solved the murder of the two Dartmouth professors on the front page? Only one problem: They got the wrong guy.

Remember when the Globe led the crusade for the release of the murderer who had become a drug addict during his time in Vietnam? Only one problem: The killer never served in Vietnam.

Remember when the Globe ran a still on the Metro front that had been taken from a porn movie, with the absurd claims of a moonbat city councilor that this might be evidence of American atrocities in Iraq? On that one, even their own reporter told her white-shoed Ivy League bosses back in the fake-news room that the story was absurd.

Memo to the Globe: When real newspapermen say, “Never let the facts get in the way of a good story,” they’re just kidding. And when they say, “The story was too good to check,” it’s a joke, dammit!

And then, of course, there was the Globe’s complicity in CBS’ bogus Texas Air National Guard (TANG) story about President Bush. An utter fraud, so naturally, it made Page One of the Globe. Days later, when even the Globe’s prevaricating parent, The New York Times, was backpedaling, the fops on Morrissey Boulevard were still running Page One headlines saying the story was true (even though the copy below actually admitted the opposite).

Fake, but accurate. That was Dan Rather’s ultimate defense for his TANG hoax. I still have the Times’ headline on my office wall: ‘Memos on Bush Are Fake But Accurate, Typist Says.”

History now repeats itself. At the very bottom of their crow-eating story yesterday, the Globe finds a lawyer who says that the account by the hero “whistleblower” “rings true, even if Modern Continental cannot find the memo he says he wrote.”

Future headline in the Globe: “Memo fake but rings true.”

Memo to the Globe: Next time, leave the big stories on the Big Dig to the big boys. You’ve become a journalistic embarrassment to the journalistic embarrassment that is The New York Times.

Patricia Smith could not be reached for comment.

[pleikumud]

The people in Baaastin and Massasschusetts in general are so dumb, they buy the Globe and vote for Hanoi Kerry and Chappaquddick Kennedy.

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

I was embarrassed for his editors before the Rokyo festush. They couldn't have been that naive. I suppose they figured, he sold papers, so what if it's fiction.